Journey to My Former Self

[dc]F[/dc]or my birthday this year, I decided to schedule a past-life regression session with a highly recommended practitioner on Cape Cod, Nancy Canning. A gift certificate I received had been sitting in my filer for a couple years, and now felt like the perfect time to dust it off and cash it in. Although I’ve done several group regressions with Dr. Brian Weiss, it’s with excitement and a bit of trepidation that I schedule the appointment.

I arrive at Nancy’s home and she begins to explain what I can expect. “Being under hypnosis is simply a very deep, relaxed state; somewhat like a trance, but the kind of trance we all enter into every day,” she says.

Ever drive home and not really remember the car ride? Trance.

Daydream out the window and have to snap yourself back to present? Trance.

Can’t get your child to respond when he’s watching TV? Trance.

When she describes it this way, I’m really looking forward to it. I love the relaxation of a staring fit. 🙂

“Most people have the same initial reactions after a session,” she says. “They don’t feel like they were really ‘under,’ and it seems like they were just making stuff up.” She goes on to explain that when you’re in a relaxed trance state, it’s nearly impossible to concoct your answers as you don’t have access to your imagination. She encourages me to just say the first thing that pops into my head after she asks a question — whether the answer be from a flash of an image, a word that comes to mind, an inner knowing, etc.

She brings me into her office where the regression will happen, and I settle into a huge, comfortable recliner with a pillow and blanket.

“What if I fall asleep?”

“People rarely do,” she says, “because you are engaged in conversation with me.” Occasionally, she has had people drift off, and she simply wiggles their feet to wake them.

I’ve chosen to transcribe the session below, with some comments, as I think that would be more interesting than just my summary.

So, here we go. Let the relaxation trance begin!

Nancy: Are you inside or outside?
Kerri: Inside

Nancy: What’s the environment like? Surrounding?
Kerri: Stone. Tan, flat, stone walls. Not boulders. Smooth walls. Flash of an image that looks like a Buddha statue.

Nancy: How large is this room? What’s it like? What are the furnishings?
Kerri: It feels very big. Expansive.

Nancy: What’s the temperature in this large room?
Kerri: Feels comfortable. Cool, thanks to the stone.

Nancy: What are the furnishings like in this room?
Kerri: Ornate throne looking thing. Continuous light that pours in. The light comes in and goes, in and goes — In a gentle, pulsating, ring-like shape.

Nancy: Any people in this room or are you alone?
Kerri: Feels like I’m alone.

Nancy: Begin to notice your own self in this large room. Noticing your clothing. What are you wearing?
Kerri: A robe, but not like a bathrobe. More like a monk’s robe.

Nancy: Are you male or female?
Kerri: Female

Nancy: How old are you?
Kerri: 38

Nancy: What year is it?
Kerri: 1690

Nancy: What is your geographic location? Where do you live? Where are you?
Kerri: I don’t know. It feels east. Like India, Asia, Nepal

Nancy: What is your personality like? What interests you? Are you outgoing? Shy?
Kerri: I feel very strong. When I imagine myself as a woman, I wonder if I’m really a man. I feel strong, confident. I feel very self assured.

Nancy: What is your life like? What are you doing here in this room?
Kerri: I’m standing. Looking around. Feels empty.

Nancy: What is this room used for?
Kerri: Guidance.

Nancy: Do you have a job here?
Kerri: Feels like people come for guidance and I’m the one they come to.

Nancy: Move later on in this day. Move to that evening. The evening meal. Be there now. Notice what that’s like. What’s your surroundings? Who are you with?
Kerri: Long, heavy wooden table. Candles in middle – hurricane holders/lantern looking things. I feel like there are people there with me. They feel mostly adult.

Nancy: What’s the atmosphere? Is it quiet and respectful or are people talking/loud?
Kerri: Pretty quiet. Calm. Not in any way frenetic. But a little bit of a buzz. Definitely other people’s energies in the room.

Nancy: Who do you dine with?
Kerri: There’s a man there. Feels like a partner of sorts. A spouse.

Nancy: Let’s see how you got to where you are. Go back to your teenage years now, perhaps an important event, celebration, etc. How old are you?
Kerri: 12

Nancy: What’s happening?
Kerri: I’m dancing outside. Kids dancing around a May pole, including me. Having fun. Many kids dancing are younger than me, but some my age, too.

Nancy: What kind of a young girl are you?
Kerri: Very full of life. Happy. Glowing.

Nancy: What is your name?
Kerri: Sarah (Comment: I was not very happy that this was my name. I said it with such disdain! I felt the name was too soft and mushy for how strong and impactful I felt in this life. Sorry to all you Sarahs out there!)

Nancy: Tell me about your family?
Kerri: I feel like I have brothers. Two.

Nancy: What about your parents? What is your father like?
Kerri: He is adoring. It’s almost like he’s sitting back watching us all dance and just smiling.

Nancy: And what about your mother?
Kerri: She’s a little shut down; removed. A little envious of him paying so much attention to the kids.

Nancy: Do you get to spend a lot of time with your father?
Kerri: Yes

Nancy: Move now a little later in your teenage years when you begin to decide what your future holds. How old are you now?
Kerri: 17

Nancy: And what’s happening at 17?
Kerri: I’m very introspective.

Nancy: What are you planning on doing as you’re moving out into the world? What’s next for you?
Kerri: I feel like I want to help people find their way.

Nancy: Do you already do this kind of work?
Kerri: Feels like a natural tendency.

Nancy: How does this show up as a teenager?
Kerri: With my mom. I feel a strong desire to be emotionally supportive to her. And to my friends, too.

Nancy: In addition to helping people find their way, do you also want to get married? Is that expected? Are you already married?
Kerri: Not married. Doesn’t feel expected. But I would like to, I think. Yes.

Nancy: Move a little bit later to a pivotal time. Perhaps a few years later. Some significant time when your life begins to move along its course. How old are you there?
Kerri: 25

Nancy: What’s happening then?
Kerri: It feels like that’s when I went into that big room. Plain looking room. Rounded doorways, but not with any doors. My robe has a rope belt. It feels peaceful and sacred in here.

Nancy: Notice as you come here as this young woman, what do you begin doing? What are your tasks? What happens here?
Kerri: I feel like I’m just helping out here. Showing people where to go. Also doing some sweeping.

Nancy: Do you live in this place?
Kerri: No, I live at home, and come here.

Nancy: Notice how it feels as you’re here now working in this place, being a part of it.
Kerri: It feels surprisingly loving for such a physically empty place.

Nancy: Now move to the next significant event. What happens as you’re here for a while?
Kerri: It feels like it’s unexpected that I’m the one who begins to give guidance.

Nancy: How does this happen?
Kerri: As I’m showing people where to go and explaining what to expect, I start talking to them more and helping them out.

Nancy: Notice how that feels for you…
Kerri: It feels a little good but mostly strange. Like I fear getting into trouble for overstepping boundaries. Almost like I’m looking over my shoulder in case someone “catches” me talking like this, because this isn’t my job.

Nancy: So what happens?
Kerri: People start coming looking specifically for me. There’s some male figure who would be the one they would go to who has a sense of what’s going on, and he seems aggravated.

Nancy: How do you handle this situation in which this natural talent is coming out of you, but there’s not the structure there yet to support it?
Kerri: I tell people to still go talk to him after me.

Nancy: How does that work?
Kerri: It seems like most people are willing to go through the motions for me.

Nancy: Move to that time when something changes here at the sacred place?
Kerri: I step into his spot and he steps aside.

Nancy: How old are you now?
Kerri: Late 30s.

Nancy: Be there now, be in the presence of these people. Notice how you guide them, how does this happen through you?
Kerri: It feels intuitive. I get a sense before they speak of what they need. I see myself placing my hand on foreheads. People kneeling. Feels like our time ends together with a strong and loving hug.

Nancy: As you’re helping these people, here in your 30s, notice how your life feels at this point in time.
Kerri: It feels great.

Nancy: Are there any plans to have children or is that not something you want to do?
Kerri: Doesn’t feel like it’s in the plan. These are all my children.

Nancy: Move now to the next significant event, later in life. How old are you now?
Kerri: 45

Nancy: What’s happening now?
Kerri: I’m definitely not in that building anymore. I’m outside. No trees, barren, dry, dusty, tan. I feel lost — emotionally, spiritually. I’m just wandering.

Nancy: What has brought on this feeling of lost-ness?
Kerri: A lack of purpose.

Nancy: Look back. How did you end up no longer doing the guidance?
Kerri: Some authority figure overrode the person who put me in that seat of guide. It feels political, manipulative. It feels like I have been banished in a way.

Nancy: How do you handle this change of events?
Kerri: I isolate. I don’t feel or see people around me. Although I can picture the home and the table. But I’m walking alone. I just want to be alone.

Nancy: Move forward to the next significant event. What do you do with your life? How old are you now?
Kerri: 47

Nancy: What’s happening there?
Kerri: I feel like I’m married and I just kind of keep the house. It’s so boring. So, so boring.

Nancy: And no more giving guidance?
Kerri: No

Nancy: What do you want as you’re here in your late 40s? What’s your state of mind about how you go forward?
Kerri: I feel low, sad, insignificant. Life feels very mundane. I do feel like there are kids around me now, but even they are boring. (Comment: I keep stressing the word,  “boring“. LOL Like I could not believe how incredibly b-o-r-i-n-g these people are and life is).

Nancy: Are these your children?
Kerri: Yes

Nancy: Do you do any kind of guidance or counseling at all?
Kerri: No

Nancy: Move onto the next significant event. How old are you there?
Kerri: 55

Nancy: What’s happening here at 55?
Kerri: I’m in my house and it’s empty of people. They’ve all left. It’s just me now.

Nancy: What’s happening as you’re here alone?
Kerri: Nothing. Very sad.

Nancy: Do you have friends? Do you reach out to people at all? Do you isolate?
Kerri: Isolate.

Nancy: What’s happened to your husband?
Kerri: He left. It doesn’t feel like people want to be around me. I don’t want to be around me.

Nancy: Move later in your life and move to the morning of the last day of your life. How old are you?
Kerri: 57

Nancy: How’s your health?
Kerri: Physically, fine.

Nancy: Are you aware that the end is near?
Kerri: Yes

Nancy: How do you feel about that?
Kerri: Relieved

Nancy: Allow yourself to move through that final day of your life and really release the body and float out. Notice how that feels. How does it feel?
Kerri: So free!

Nancy: As you take a breath and feel that freedom, look back from this higher point of view knowing that you chose to come into that lifetime from a soul level to learn lessons to grow. What were the purpose and the lessons?
Kerri: To embrace my natural gifts and make no apologies.

Nancy: How did you do with that?
Kerri: Did pretty well. Not as well as it appears. Although I was there giving guidance and loved that, I didn’t feel like I should be doing that. It feels very non-traditional that it would be me doing that. Maybe because I’m female?

Also, to connect with people.

Nancy: How did you do with connecting with people?
Kerri: Not very good. I saw “connecting” as just giving to them and not really letting people connect with me.

Nancy: What other lessons and experiences did you want to learn and have?
Kerri: I’m not sure…

Nancy: Now, present time Kerri, go back to past life Sarah, and see why your subconscious chose that lifetime to go back to?
Kerri: It’s pretty similar, but I feel like I’m doing better this time around. I’m learning to allow connections to go both ways. Also, by no longer doing what I loved to do in that lifetime, I saw how empty it made me feel. It showed how important it is to me to work with people in this way.

Nancy: As you look at that lifetime, what happened when you isolated, when you were no longer able to do guidance in that sacred place. The isolating, the stopping, the kind of going down hill. How is that impacting you in current time?
Kerri: I understand more the trepidation around continuing to really step into my own. Being outwardly visible, doing the work I do. I find that fear comes up and I need to know it’s OK to go ahead and do it anyway. Feel the fear and do it anyway. I can’t get that  from someone who just tells me it is OK. I need to feel that it is.

Nancy: Look and see how you’ve done with learning to move past obstacles that got the better of you. How are you doing with that same theme of moving beyond.
Kerri: I’m definitely making progress, but sometimes it feels like trudging through mud.

Nancy: Look and see what else you wanted to learn in that lifetime. What was that losing what you loved all about? Losing it and not going back into it.
Kerri: It felt like that was my life force that was taken away. (Comment: At this point, I ask Nancy to pause as I feel very dizzy).

OK, it feels very clear to me that I chose to end my life — I hanged myself.

Nancy: From the soul level, look and see how you feel about that?
Kerri: It feels like a shame, but then it feels fitting that when my gifts were silenced, that’s how I would choose to do it. Silencing my voice permanently with a rope around my neck. (Comment: I realize the correlation between how I died and my discomfort in this lifetime with anything close to my neck – tight necklaces, turtlenecks, etc).

Nancy: Does that come into this lifetime — having your gifts be silenced?
Kerri: It had, but less so know. A continuous work in progress…

Nancy: OK, now imagine a big kettle or cauldron over fire. And into that, each of you — Kerri and Sarah — pull in all that you are ready to release from that lifetime. Everything you want to let go. And let it burn down. Until there’s only ashes remaining. Now with only ashes, you plant them as if they were seeds and something grows from that which was released. What grows?
Kerri: A beanstalk. (Comment: I giggle at this answer, until she asks me the next question).

Nancy: What does the beanstalk represent?
Kerri: Strength, confidence, pride, beauty, sense of self, a way to get to bigger and better things. A gateway of sorts.

Nancy: Now thank Sarah for a life well lived and for doing her very best. It enables you to be all that you are now. Finally, ask Sarah if she has anything that she learned that she wants you to remember…
Kerri: Keep hearing, “Stay the course”

Nancy: Thank her again and allow her to move to the past.

I notice the right side of my neck and my right shoulder are very sore. I take some deep breaths and release as best I can. The discomfort goes away pretty quickly.

–End regression–

My first reaction when the appointment ends is that it’s much more “normal” than I had anticipated. I’m completely aware and present in the room, and am able to remember just about everything I said. I guess I was expecting to be in a zombie-like state.

I did fall victim to her predicted reactions — I wondered if I was really under, and if I was just making stuff up. But then I remembered what she said about every day trances and trusting that what I said is the truth in my subconscious. The effects of a regression can often be felt relatively strongly for days or longer before becoming a part of who you are, so I’m encouraged to pay attention to any new sensations or perspectives. I commit to take it, let it settle, and see how it feels.

Because the drive to the appointment is just under two hours, I treat myself to a night at a nearby bed and breakfast so I can be comfy and cozy (or so I hoped) and not driving in a car. After some dinner, I go back to the inn, get ready for bed, and attempt to watch some TV. I say “attempt” because I feel –um — not present. I feel disconnected from the room. While my body is here, the rest of me isn’t. I try to pay attention to the show on TV, but find it really difficult. I just want to be home.

After I manage to fall asleep around midnight, I’m in and out of sleep all night. I wake up around 7:15 AM and feel exhausted, but for some reason, won’t allow myself to go back to sleep. I lie quietly in bed, wondering what’s going on. Then it hits me — there’s an energy disconnect between me and this inn. I feel like a square peg in a round hole. The guest room doesn’t necessarily “feel” bad, it ‘s just a mismatch.

So what’s the significance of all this? Well, I’m already pretty sensitive to energy before the regression, and have been consciously developing my intuition, but it seems the session has opened the channels even more. The night of my appointment, they were open a little more than I’m comfortable with, which is why I wasn’t able to reel myself back in. I was just absorbing the energy of the room that was not a vibrational match.

Once I was out and about and on my way home, I can feel myself becoming more grounded, yet still with the channels open — but now at a more comfortable level. Since the regression, I find I feel more expansive; almost as if my eyes are bigger, my lungs are bigger, my shoulders are broader. It’s hard to describe really. I just feel more open.

And Nancy was right, the effects resonate more and more as time passes. Immediately after the session, and later that evening, I was a bit underwhelmed. Of course I was expecting an earth-shattering experience like Brian Weiss writes about in his books, but, now that more time has passed, I do feel the impact much more deeply and have the sense it’s going to be with me forever.

*Photo by Pdro (GF)