Are You Sabotaging Your Dreams Before You Get Started?

Each week, I love to set aside time to sit and read your emails or blog comments about what I wrote in my letter to you. It makes this feel much more like a conversation than just me yelling into a void. So, thanks!

After writing to you about blazing trails in the New Year, there was a theme to the emails I received.

Here are some snippets (which I got permission to share anonymously):

“I love the idea of blazing trails! I would love to grow my business this year and plan on focusing on that once time opens up.”

“What trail do I want to blaze this year? I want to finally meet that special someone and cozy into a loving, supportive relationship. I swear all the good ones are taken, though!”

And this one really got me:

“For years, I’ve thought about the big things I want to do in life, but it never happens, so this year I decided to not bother. Why set myself up for disappointment?”

Can you guess what the theme is?

Self-sabotage. Subtle and not-so-subtle.

The one who wrote about wanting to grow her business? She quietly pooh-poohed her dream by telling herself she doesn’t have the time for it.

The woman who wants to find love? She’ll like be unconsciously spending her time validating the belief that “all the good ones are taken” instead of being open to meet someone.

And that final open and honest one? Well, that one was written by resistance herself.

Here’s the fascinating thing about what’s going on here: it’s all clutter.

The perceived lack of time.

The limiting belief.

The scared, young version of you running the show.

All clutter.

Anytime you come up with the reasons why something won’t work, you’re letting your resistance win. That scared little girl (or boy) inside who would much rather keep things just as they are starts squawking and convinces you that you can’t possibly blaze that trail.

Here’s the good news: This is clutter you can clear. The process will look a bit different from, say, sorting paperwork, but you can do it.

Try this — anytime that voice comes up with a reason why something can’t happen or won’t work, come up with a reason why it will. Think of it like a tennis match. Bat the ball back and forth.

Here’s why it won’t work.

Here’s why it will.

Here’s why that can never be.

Here’s why it can.

Believe it or not, your fear wants to be challenged. She wants you to hold space for her and show her that you can do hard things. She actually wants to be proven wrong.

But here’s the thing. What really proves her wrong is action, not just words. She needs to see that nothing terrible happens when you take a step on that trail. She needs to witness you taking good care of her and keeping her safe.

She doesn’t take kindly to lip service.

So give yourself permission to dream big. And when that little but loud voice inside lists all the reasons why you’re nuts, hold space for her and offer a different perspective. And make sure that perspective is followed by action so she can see it to believe it.

Ready to give it a go? Before you talk yourself out of it, tell me one step you can take today to get or keep moving on your trail in the comments below.

4 replies
  1. Brenda
    Brenda says:

    Thank you, I needed this today. I was just telling myself that I will never be able to go on the trips I used to since plans to do so have never happened. As you stated, clutter for me to conquer.

    Reply
    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Thanks for joining the conversation! Yes, Brenda, clutter! So what is one small step you can take to move toward going on one of those trips. Think SMALL and a very early step. So not, like, booking a ticket! Unless you’re ready for that. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Celeste Sophia
    Celeste Sophia says:

    So I’m taking steps to get my health back and the physical and emotional pain are intense. Is this clutter? Of course it is, right? Bad food choices and negative thinking. But resistance? I like the idea of batting the can’t and can ideas back and forth.

    Reply
    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Yup, that’s clutter, Celeste! Be sure you’re under the care of appropriate professionals in taking back your health. If you are experiencing intense physical and emotional pain, I’d say support is vital — doctor, therapist, etc. Remember, your resistance is just that scared, young part of you who fears any kind of change — even change for the better. <3

      Reply

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