5 Steps to Flip a Blocking Belief

There’s a Chinese proverb that says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” So, what “tree” do you wish you had planted 20 years ago? One year ago? Yesterday?

I can....001When you say you want to make a change, yet take no action to support that, you’re essentially telling yourself that you aren’t worth it; that you don’t matter.  That’s the painful truth that can keep you from making any progress.

Let’s say you hold a belief that your needs aren’t as important as everyone else’s. Chances are, you’ll validate that belief by putting your needs last.

If you’re telling yourself that you don’t have what it takes to get healthy, grow your business, or get out of debt, then you’re most likely going to prove yourself right; unless, of course, you make a conscious decision to prove yourself wrong.

Beliefs need validation to exist. Without it, they start to weaken,and therein lies the secret to dismantling them.

Here are 5 steps to smash your blocking belief to bits:

1. Identify the belief you’d like to eradicate. Some examples include:

  • I don’t have what it takes.
  • I’m not motivated.
  • I have no willpower.
  • My needs don’t matter.
  • I never finish what I start.

2. Come up with a powerful, opposite belief of the blocking one that’s holding you back. Using the ones above, that might be something like:

  • I have everything I need to succeed.
  • I easily break projects down into manageable steps and take action.
  • I’m patient and loving with myself as I step out of my comfort zone.
  • To be able to care for others, I must care for myself first.
  • I easily follow through on the projects and tasks that matter.

3. Start keeping a Belief Book. Once you have your new belief (one that makes you say “Hell, yeah!”), write it down 10 times before bed, every night, for at least two weeks. You’re about to have great access to your subconscious during your sleep, so it’s a perfect time to plant this new, positive seed.

4. Act as if. Now that you’ve been planting the seed for a bit, it’s time to begin walking as if it’s fully true and integrated. This behavior will be the validation the new belief needs to take hold. For example, you might challenge yourself to decline any request or invitation for two weeks to help validate your new belief that your needs come first. Without this action, the belief remains an idea.

5. Repeat as needed. Whenever you find yourself defaulting to your old belief, revisit steps 1-4. It took years to lock your blocking belief in place, so be patient as you work to flip it.

OK, your turn! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What belief is holding you back? Are you having trouble identifying it? Where are you feeling stuck? Can you see yourself taking these steps? As always, I’d love for you to join the conversation in the comments section below.

25 replies
  1. Jan
    Jan says:

    PERFECT TIMING. I can be loving and patient with myself when eating out in a war zone noisy type of restaurant surrounded by gluten. I enjoy the conversations and energy of the waitress and others nearby.

    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Beautiful, Jan. Being patient, loving and compassionate with yourself is such an important piece of the puzzle. Probably the most important. Now go validate that new belief!

  2. DAD
    DAD says:

    You have accomplished a remarkable feat in the past year. Congratulations are definitely in order even if it is from your DAD. As a past member of a weight loss plan, I share the lecturer’s closing statement at every meeting: SEE A LITTLE LESS OF YOU NEXT WEEK.

  3. Nicole
    Nicole says:

    Wow, is this post right on the money! As a stay-at-home mom, I find myself tightly clutching the “my needs come last” belief. Time to pry my fingers open and grab hold of a new idea! Thanks for your words of wisdom, Kerri!

    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Thanks for joining the conversation, Nicole! Oh, yeah, your kiddos need you to put yourself high up on your priority list. Think of it this way: You want to live the life you dream of for your kids. You know they follow your actions much more than your words, so show them all that life has waiting for them!

  4. Sarah Brassard
    Sarah Brassard says:

    I have worked with the belief book before and find it one of the most effective ways to manifest. I love the idea of smashing your blocking beliefs and at bedtime, envisioning possibilities as though they were already present in my life. I can see all the opportunity unfolding before me, Yay!
    Thanks for this Kerri, and congratulations on your beautiful commitment to you.

  5. Lisa
    Lisa says:

    Thanks for the great advice. You’re a shining example of when committing to something, success will be received. So very proud of you. Keep up the good work. Love ya!

  6. Kathy duason
    Kathy duason says:

    Thank you for this! For the past month . I’ve been thinking about doing a 365 diet myself. Did you send out any thoughts about this? Because I could never figure out where the idea came from!

    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Hi Kathy, You’re welcome! I’m not sure what the 365 diet is. It just so happens it was a year ago when I started to take consistent action on changing my eating and exercise. I’d encourage you to identify a first, very manageable step you could take to validate your new commitment. Perhaps it’s one healthier food decision, a 10-minute walk, or a journaling session on your relationship with food. How does that sound?

  7. Kathy Duason
    Kathy Duason says:

    I want to receive your new posts by email but when I tried to respond to such, I did something wrong and now I don’t know if I’m going to receive it or not. What should I do to correct this?

  8. Helen
    Helen says:

    I am that strong powerful woman. There I said it! I have been coming up against a lion’s share of limiting beliefs through my self inquiry journey. But what a great idea to keep a beliefs book! Just what I need, with gratitude, thanks Kerri!

  9. Lauren Hoover-West
    Lauren Hoover-West says:

    I am not (fill in the blank) enough. I just do not feel like I have enough energy, I am not smart enough, I am not tech saavy enough…not articulate enough…
    I formed the false belief, as a child, that I am not lovable unless I am perfect! That is exhausting and impossible to achieve!
    The opposite is I have all I need to be good enough and feel loved.

    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Thanks for joining the conversation, Lauren. Great work on identifying the beliefs you’d like to blow up. Now think about how you can behave in a way that supports your new belief. Doing so will validate this new thinking and eradicate the old!

        • Kerri
          Kerri says:

          Sure. Your new line of thinking is that you have all you need, that you are good enough, and that you are loved. Start by identifying the people, experiences, and thinking life that don’t support this new thinking. As you encounter situations in your life that contradict those statements, challenge them. This can be through positive self-talk, boundary setting, bowing out of a situation, etc. Just start there!

  10. Mary Ann
    Mary Ann says:

    These are such great ways to actually work with the new belief. When I think about it I am doing something at work that has been hard for me, but sticking to my plan about it. I have been taking action in standing up for myself and not caving in to the “shoulds”. I would spend an entire weekend worrying about it, and now it is a fleeting thought and is backed up with “no you did the right thing”. It will be fine. A lot of work for me, but so worth it. And yes it gets easier as you do it more. It pays off and trickles out, into the rest of my life for sure. Thanks so much

  11. Ashley
    Ashley says:

    My blocking belief is that any negative intrusion will overshadow the good of my memories. The negative is 10% but feels more like 90%. The opposite would be, I don’t let negative moments cloud or overshadow my special memories.

    Would love insight or suggestions! No idea when this “if only that didn’t happen” thinking started or when my fear of negative associations with good memories began but it’s hard to kick.

    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Hi Ashley,
      Thanks for joining the conversation. Oh I know your struggle all too well! Why do we always expect the worst or focus on the negative? It’s exhausting, for sure! You’ve done great work here already by identifying your limiting belief and taking a crack at an opposite one. I’d suggest removing any negative language (such as “don’t”) from your new one. Perhaps something like, “I focus on the blessings and abundance that are all around me.”

      Brené Brown has a powerful take on all of this. As a shame and vulnerability researcher, she talks about how joy is the most difficult human emotion because we have a hard time allowing ourselves to feel it. Instead, we “dress rehearse tragedy.” We saddle ourselves down with “what if’s” and “if only’s”. We think we’re protecting ourselves from being sucker punched by life but instead we are robbing ourselves of happiness. Check out this piece for more: https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/catastrophizing-how-to-feel-joy-without-fear.

      I hope that helps!


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