I recently had a follow-up ultrasound to monitor a small area in my breast. Fortunately, nothing had changed and it was confirmed, once again, to be benign.
As I was having the procedure done, I noticed my mental chatter ramping up as my mind tried to manage my fear by attempting to control the situation.
“Hmm, she’s putting no pressure on the wand so even if it’s bad news it must be near the surface which I think is good.”
“Oh wait, now she’s pressing down a bit. That can’t be good.”
“If she lightens up in the next 10 seconds then I’m fine.”
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths and shifted my thinking.
“It’s ok, kiddo. I got you. No matter the outcome, you’re in good hands with me.”
I immediately felt my body calm down.
The technician left the room to show the doctor the pictures.
There I was, laying on the table, waiting for her (and possibly the doctor) to come back with the results.
Five minutes go by.
And there goes my mind.
“If she comes back in alone, all is well. If the doctor is with her, that’s bad news.”
“What’s taking so long?”
“This can’t be good.”
I take some more deep breaths.
“It’s ok, kiddo. I got you. It’s all good.”
I calm down again. So much so I practically fall asleep.
Fifteen minutes goes by and in walks the technician.
But I would have been ok even if she wasn’t.
Laying there, I was so thankful for how long I’ve been practicing this kind of self-love. Little Kerri has years of evidence of me not only comforting her, but also doing the “adulting” in our lives, whether that’s going for a job interview or handling a scary medical appointment.
It’s when you expect your younger self to handle grown-up stuff that your fear sits firmly planted in the driver’s seat of your life. Her scared thoughts needn’t make the rules. In fact, they don’t want to. Instead, they simply want to be acknowledged.
Coincidentally (or is it?), when I got home, I noticed this affirmation on my Louise Hay daily calendar:
Ain’t that the truth?
So, what thoughts are you thinking right now that aren’t doing you any good? How can you take care of your Little One to help him or her feel safe?
I’d love to hear your take on this. Share your thoughts in the comments below.