When to Keep Your BHAG to Yourself

Melissa and I have been having fun conversations with some friends about our respective BHAGs (big, hairy, audacious goals). Through updates, challenges, and accountability, the four of us are keeping each other motivated and excited. It makes such a difference to have like-minded people to talk to.

I’m pretty selective about who I share my dreams with, particularly when they’re in the early stages. When I’m in the exploration phase, involving too many people does me more harm than good. I end up with a lot of mental clutter filled with others’ opinions, fears, and limitations.

There’s no bigger dream killer than someone who immediately dismisses your goals or tells you all the reasons why they’ll never happen. When I’m grounded, I’m able to remember that they’d prefer I stay small because it makes them more comfortable or benefits them in some way. My action might challenge them to think bigger, which can be scary. But when I’m not centered, these comments can knock me down.

And, sharing too much can quickly get in the way of action. Because you get a good “fix” from dreaming out loud, you don’t feel as motivated to do the work because the euphoria you want is happening in the moment.

When you talk about your BHAG a lot, your Present Self gets a nice dopamine hit and then craves it more and more. As a result, there ends up being a lot more talk than action because there’s no incentive. You’re triggering the happy hormones every time you talk about it so why would you bother doing any hard work?

Because the fix is short-lived.

Your Future Self (FS) rolls her eyes at the posturing and grows weary of the all-talk-and-no-action. FS is someone you wanna keep on your side — she’s the big dreamer. If she loses faith in your ability to execute, she’ll shrivel up and stop making big plans and you’ll find yourself in the same old, same old, routine cycle of life.

As obvious as it may sound, if you want things to happen in your life, talk less and do more. Actions happen faster with the right type of support so when you do talk, make sure the person you’re talking to is worthy of hearing what you’re up to and is someone who will celebrate your wins and cheer you on through the struggles.

So what moves will you make this week? Share in the comments below. I promise to receive it with love.

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