Asking for Help: A Challenge

I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now. Exciting changes are afoot in both my business and my personal life, and while ultimately, it’s all good, the process and transition is overwhelming to say the least.

I’m not very good at asking for help. Never have been. It’s scary. It’s feels vulnerable and uncomfortable. Who likes to feel that way? Not this girl. Instead, I decide no one is available to help me anyway, so why bother asking? Might as well save myself the disappointment. 

This is just one of the stories my blocking belief tells me. You know, the belief that says I should only give help; that it’s not ok to accept it. If I accept it, then I’m a burden. If I dare ask for it, then I’m weak and needy, and, as a result, people won’t like me.

So, to not risk all of that, I just assume no one is willing or available and don’t even give anyone the chance to prove me wrong, thereby validating my belief. And round and round we go. Ya feel me?

If I do muster up the courage to ask and the person says no, or he or she is not available, my belief has a field day. “See? Told ya no one cares about you. Told ya it’s not ok to need people. They’re probably bitchin’ about how whiney and needy you are right now.”

Well, you know what, belief? Up yours. I can’t possibly handle everything I’m juggling by myself. And maybe this is a challenge from the universe to work more on dismantling you anyway. Well, I accept! I’m gonna ask for help and if anyone says no, I’ll remind Little Kerri that she’s still loved and that she still matters. And I’ll remind her as much and as often as she needs. So there.

You might recall, a while ago, I wrote about a challenge I’ve given to several clients — one where they had to intentionally disappoint at least one person a day for two weeks. I give this challenge to those who are automatic “yes” machines. “Want to have dinner tonight?” “Sure.” “Will you help me move?” “Yes.” “Could you watch my Great Dane for two weeks while I’m traveling?” “Of course!”

These particular clients rarely pause when a request comes their way. They often agree right away and later regret it. While usually terrified when I first issue the challenge, in no time, many of them love it as they’re feeling empowered and cared for in a way they never have. I know some of you, my precious readers, took on the challenge yourselves.

Ready for another? Care to join me on my Asking for Help Challenge? Here are some ideas:

• Hand off the grocery list for this week and let someone else go for you.
• Teach your kids the important life skill of sorting whites from darks, and doing laundry.
• Email your friends asking for some job leads.
• Ask your neighbor to take in your mail while you’re away.
• Ask your spouse to pick up the dry cleaning.

So, are you in? Are you willing to actively look for places to ask for help? Join the conversation, and if you’re up for it, commit to the challenge in the comments section!

Until next week, keep taking those small steps to Live Out Loud.