You Are Wiser than You Know

“I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. I can’t seem to gain any traction and it’s pissing me off.”

This was a desperate plea from Mark on our first coaching call after he told me about a dream he’d been chasing for years.

“I’m fed up and I don’t know what to do anymore,” he says.

“Yes you do,” I reply.

Silence.

“No, I don’t,” Mark says. “Why would I be talking to you if I knew what to do?”

“Well, one of two reasons,” I reply. “Either 1. You’re looking for someone to rescue you, which we know isn’t the case because we covered that during our exploratory chat; that’s not what this work is about, or 2. You need some support to figure out why you’re not taking the action you know your dream requires. So, yeah, you do know what to do, but you’re not doing it, and that’s what we’re here to rectify.”

Silence.

“Fair enough,” he says.

And so began our work on clearing his mental clutter and creating an action plan so he could finally make that progress. Now, 18 months later, Mark has fulfilled his dream and then some, all because he was willing to be challenged and to come face-to-face with his fear and resistance.

Like Mark, you, too, know what you need to do to accomplish your goals. You just may not like what’s required. That’s why for decades people have been trying to find the “solution” for losing weight. You know essentially it’s “eat less and exercise more,” but that’s no fun. There must be another way. A quicker way. A less uncomfortable way.

Or the secret to getting out of debt: Make more money and spend less. “Oh but wait, I bet this video/book/program has a better, easier way.” Nope, it sure doesn’t.

While there are many fantastic resources out there to help you live your best life, real change comes by what you do with those resources. You can’t stand next to a shovel and expect a hole to be dug.

Whatever your goal, you need a strategy that works for you so you can implement this wisdom you already have and are acquiring. And that’s why Mark came to me. His resistance was creating so much static (noise, fear, doubts, anger, frustration) that he couldn’t tune in to how he could set himself up for success.

Was the required work unpleasant at times? Certainly. Is it easier to have a teammate in the arena with you? You bet. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

The commitment and dedication required to reach any goal can be daunting, but it can also be invigorating when you take the small step approach.

Your tendency might be to fast-forward to the end. In theory, that sounds great but it almost never gets the job done. However, small consistent action does. Just like the turtle and the hare, slow and steady wins the race.

So this week, I want you to think about where, like Mark, you’re spinning your wheels. Figure out what really needs to happen to reach your goal (even if you wish there was an easier way) and break those steps down. Keep breaking them down until they feel doable.

Then, get some support to help you stay the course. Someone who will challenge you when you whine and encourage you when you struggle. Your dreams are worth it and so are you.

2 replies
  1. Kenzie
    Kenzie says:

    Thanks for this post, Kerri – love your show (spent 4 hours listening to you de-cluttering my wardrobe on Wednesday)! Felt great, though.

    I’m currently spinning in other areas of my life and have been for 5 years and not making any progress. It’s a combination of mental/emotional clutter re: my toxic relationship with live-in partner, needing to finish my PhD which has run over, and finding a job that earns enough to support my needs/own family so I can live in a more healthy/positive environment. Love idea of breaking down into tiny bite-size pieces but no idea which area to focus on first?

    Reply
    • Kerri
      Kerri says:

      Hi Kenzie,

      Thanks for joining the conversation and for listening to my show. I’m so glad you find it helpful!

      I know how hard it is when you’re feeling pulled in a million directions, so I feel ya. Here’s the great news — by working on any one area of your life, you’re working on the rest. A place I’d suggest starting is with your live-in partner. Think about what boundaries are needed there. The drain on you from that relationship likely makes it really hard to have enough energy for anything else.

      The boundaries needn’t be big and scary. They can simply be changes in your behavior. Start with thinking about how you can take better care of yourself in the current dynamic/situation. SMALL steps. Your fear will jump your mind forward a million steps. Come back and identify one small thing you can do to feel less affected by the relationship.

      You deserve it.

      Reply

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