When Holiday Joy Feels Impossible: A Gentle Guide to Surviving the Season

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We’ve all heard the annual reminders to remember that not everyone feels the holiday cheer. Well, plot twist: this year, that someone is me. If I could hibernate until January 2nd, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

2024 has been brutal – especially these past six months. Just when I think I’m finding my footing, life throws another curveball. And not even little ones. My Hallmark Christmas movies aren’t even cutting it anymore.

You know how I always talk about the power of staying in the present moment? Even though it’s freakin’ hard? Welp, the penny has finally dropped for me these days, and those skills are paying off.

Well, sort of. I’d give myself a solid B+. But hey, that’s a massive improvement from where I started.

I can catch my thoughts before they spiral into worst-case scenarios, and honestly? I’ve reached that beautiful place where I simply don’t have the energy to care what anyone thinks about my holiday participation (or lack thereof).

Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is admit we’re not okay. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, and it goes against everything we see on social media. But there’s immense power in dropping the “I’ve got it all together” mask.

For those of you nodding along as you read this – I see you. Maybe you’re also forcing a smile through holiday parties, or maybe you’ve already decided to skip them altogether. Maybe your “holiday spirit” this year consists of merely surviving until January. Whatever your truth is, I want you to know it’s valid.

Maybe this will help… Here are a few gentle suggestions only if you have the energy – no pressure:

• Create a “Holiday Boundaries” list. Write down what you’re willing and not willing to do this season. Maybe that’s saying no to the office party but yes to a quiet dinner with your closest friend. Keep it somewhere visible as a reminder that you’re allowed to set limits.
• Make a “Comfort Menu” for hard days. Stock up on whatever helps you feel even 2% better: your favorite tea, a super soft blanket, a playlist of songs that don’t mention sleigh bells. Think of it as creating your personal survival kit.
• Set up a “tap out” signal with someone you trust. Maybe it’s a specific emoji you can text when you need to escape a situation or just need someone to check-in. Melissa and I do this all the time. When we socialize during a particularly difficult time, we’ll devise a signal for when we’ve had enough. Having this escape hatch makes social obligations feel much less overwhelming.
• Give yourself permission slips. Literally. Write them down: “I give myself permission to order takeout instead of cooking,” or “I give myself permission to send text messages instead of holiday cards.” Sometimes seeing it in writing helps quiet that inner critic.

So this year, my decorations might stay in their boxes, and my holiday cards might never reach the post office. And that’s perfectly fine.

Remember: you get to do the holidays your way. Full stop.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding under a blanket in my comfy pants, eating store-bought cookies, and permitting myself to just be.

P.S. If you’re struggling, remember it’s okay to reach out. Whether it’s to a friend, a therapist, or even commenting below – you don’t have to carry it all alone.