How to Reclaim Your Energy from Difficult People
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Let’s talk about that person in your life who drives you up the wall. You know exactly who I mean – the one who blows up your phone, constantly needs a “small loan,” or treats every conversation like it’s their personal TED talk.
We’ve all been there, right? Dodging calls, leaving those text messages on read, and suddenly developing a keen interest in the produce section when you spot them at the grocery store.
But here’s the million-dollar question: How long are you willing to wait for them to magically develop self-awareness?
Spoiler alert: it might be a while.
The good news? You don’t have to wait at all. The power to change this dynamic is all yours.
The B Word
Enter: boundaries. (Cue the eye roll, right?) 🙄
I know, I know. Setting boundaries sounds about as appealing as scheduling a dentist appointment or doing your taxes.
What do you even say?
What if they get upset?
It’s easier to keep playing emotional hide-and-seek, right?
Wrong. All that dodging, ducking, dipping, and diving (yes, that’s a Dodgeball reference – you’re welcome) is eating up way too much of your precious energy — energy you could be using to level up your career, find your person, or finally sort the heck out of that disaster zone you call a closet.
My Two-Step Formula for Successful Boundary Setting
So, let’s break down the secret sauce of successful boundary-setting:
- Keep it short and sweet. No lengthy explanations, no wishy-washy language. Compare these:
Invite: Do you want to go out for dinner Friday night? “Oh, I’d love to go to dinner, but I have this mountain of laundry, and I’m leaving for a trip, and…”Can’t you do the laundry tonight? Cue the inevitable back-and-forth.Versus: “Thanks for the invite, but I’m not available. Maybe another time.”Feel the difference? It’s like a breath of fresh air. And remember, how they react to your boundary is their business, not yours. - Actions speak louder than words. Once you’ve set a boundary, you gotta stick to it like glue. If you tell people you don’t answer calls after 8 PM but keep picking up, guess what? You’re basically telling them your boundaries are more like gentle suggestions.
Some stubborn people will need reminders of your boundaries even when executed perfectly. Check out how easy this is. You restate your boundary.
“I’m sorry I don’t have time to review your resume.”
“but, but but…”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t have time.
People will challenge your boundaries for a variety of reasons, but I’ve found the main ones to be:
- They’re benefitting from you not having any.
- Your doing so challenges them to stop making excuses in their own lives.
Misery loves company and all that.
Crafting the Perfect Boundary: It’s Easier than You Think
Now I know it can be tough to come up with language like that when it’s your situation. You’re too close to it, and emotions are involved. But guess who’s not too close? Me!
If you need help phrasing your boundary, head over to IWillBeTheBadGuy.com, drop me a line about your situation, and I’ll whip up a custom script for you within two business days. Use it as-is or put your own spin on it – just resist the urge to add any permission-seeking explanations!
Ready to reclaim your time, energy, and sanity? Let’s do this. Your future, boundary-respecting self will thank you. Click the image below to learn more:
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