In just over a week, we will no longer be homeowners. It’s surreal, exciting, terrifying, relieving, and sad. We’ll become apartment dwellers again, at least temporarily, before embarking on our cross-country, RV adventure. It can sometimes feel like we’re going backwards, that is until I remember that my dream is not the typical American dream (as I wrote about here).
Our days are so busy with details, logistics, and purging of belongings, that there’s not much space or time to feel what’s happening. Then the quiet of nighttime comes.
As I unwind from the day, in creeps the uneasiness and discomfort of change. While I’d normally be giggling at our cats as they fly by the family room door, chasing each other, instead my thoughts go to “The babies are going to miss this house so much.” Do you project your anxiety on your pets, too? 🙂
I’m not a big fan of feeling vulnerable (really, who is?), but I also know that learning to lean on others is one of my main soul lessons in this lifetime. My prominent blocking belief tells me that my value is based on what I can do for others, and that needing others weakens my standing.
I’ve had friends tell me that they feel closer to me on those rare occasions when I share my struggles with them. Because my limiting belief still rules the roost (though it’s losing ground), I mostly keep myself in check, collapsing into the arms of a very, very few. As such, I’ve taught most of the people in my life to be in relationship with me in a certain way: as their go-to person who gets shit done and can help them solve any issue. They’re not used to hanging out with scared and vulnerable Kerri, and some of them just wouldn’t know what to do with her. Admittedly, I’m not the easiest person to support. After all, I don’t have a lot of experience with it.
During this major change in my life, I have a couple of choices: I can follow my old modus operandi and numb out with tasks, busyness, and food, or I can practice feeling the discomfort and fear, be vulnerable, and *gulp* lean on people. Someone pass me a cookie!
Well, unless I want to keep bumping up against this “growth opportunity”, I better get down to the business of becoming more proficient at being needy. Yuk.
So, where do you struggle in your life with vulnerability? Is there some other overriding belief that trips you up? Maybe you tell yourself you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Do your past experiences lead you to believe that you can’t seem to catch a break? It’s time to tell this suffocating thinking to take a hike! Who’s with me? (To read more on flipping a blocking belief, check out my blog post here.)
Until next week, keep taking those small steps to Live Out Loud.