How to Comfort a Grieving Friend with Meaningful Gestures

🔊 Click below to listen to this post.👇

If you haven’t been keeping up with my social media (wtf!), you might have missed a popular little video I shared recently. I’m bringing it here, too, because it contains a nugget of wisdom everyone can use at some point. Plus, I have a couple of other tips for you.

As you may know from my emails and posts, my mother recently passed away. It’s an incredibly sensitive time, and I’m so grateful for all the love and support around me.

When someone loses a loved one, it can be tough to know what to say or do. You want to show you care while respecting the delicate circumstance.

3 Types of Amazing Support I’ve Received

Given my current situation, I wanted to share some acts of condolence I’ve received in the hope that they offer ideas for you when you know someone grieving.

1. Check-ins without expectations

A couple of friends sent me sporadic texts during the early days and throughout the services, just letting me know they were thinking of me. A simple heart or a message saying “thinking of you” meant the world. There were no expectations for me to respond; I just liked their messages to show them I appreciated their presence.

2. A heartfelt invitation

Some dear friends included a note in their sympathy card that brought me to tears, but not for the reason you might think. They wrote: “I know the loss of a mother is a unique pain. Next time we’re together for lunch, I can’t wait to hear as many stories about her as you want to tell me.”

This really resonated with what my brother, Steve, said: “No one is truly dead until you stop speaking about them.” How beautiful is it to have someone invite you to celebrate and share stories about your loved one?

If you know someone grieving, consider asking them to share a memory that they cherish.

3. Logistical load lifted

When my father passed away in 2016, my friend, Lisa, came to my rescue in a way I never knew I needed. She packed her car with water, snacks, tissues, wine – everything! She set it all up in the back room of the funeral home where family could take a break. I would have been busy refilling my tiny cup of water a thousand times while hoping no one heard my stomach grumbling.

Lisa also collected picture boards and flowers to bring to the luncheon, allowing my family and me to focus solely on being present. She’s become known as my family’s “handler” in these situations, and when my mother passed away, she immediately told me that she’d take care of everything this time, too.

I cannot begin to express how helpful this was! Words can’t do it justice.

One final bit of advice: a few cheeky tips on what to say—and what not to say—from the perspective of someone grieving:

Good

So sorry for your loss.
I’m holding you close in my thoughts.
I wish I could take away your pain, but I’m here for whatever you need.

Not so good

She lived a long life. (Yes, and as such, I’ve had her in my life a long time, leaving a big void).
She’s in a better place. (Maybe, but I want her here).
Stay strong. You’ll get through this. (It’s not a road race).

I hope this helps you navigate these delicate situations a bit more easily.

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