Holy hell, am I glad the holiday season is over. I didn’t realize how out of my body I had become until it was all behind me. I felt like a new woman on January 6th.
I love the holidays, don’t get me wrong. Once Thanksgiving approaches, I become a little kid, giddy with excitement. This year, however, I didn’t take good care of my calendar, and I overbooked lots of celebrations out of FOMO (fear of missing out) and assurance of cramming in all the “specialness” I could in 5 weeks. Because, you know, you can’t get together with friends and family any other time of year (smell the sarcasm?).
It’s easy for me to forget that my energetic availability to help and support others is finite. It’s such a part of who I am that I can often take it too far and neglect my needs. I also realize that I will focus too much on others’ needs to avoid my own or to make sure people will like me. I’m a classic “2” (the Healer) on the Enneagram scale. If you’re not familiar with the Enneagram, check it out. You can take some free quizzes on that site and find out your number. Pretty interesting stuff.
Looking back, there were lots of ways I abandoned myself throughout the craziness that was December. Because I will most likely be living someplace else next Christmas, I felt pressure to immerse myself in my local community’s New England charm as if I can never return.
Oh the stories we tell ourselves, huh? So much of our time is spent making up “truths” that we then navigate our lives by. See if any of these sound familiar:
- I can’t ask my mom to babysit. She’s done her time.
- He’d never date someone who looks like me.
- I’m too old for that outfit.
- It’s too late for me to change careers.
Thinking this way really limits the possibilities in your life, so why do it? Because it also protects you from having to take risks. But if you choose to believe these stories and stay small, then you’re constantly chasing the dream. And while it can be exciting to be in pursuit, by not going for what you say you want is also repeatedly telling yourself that you can’t be trusted. And that, my friend, is no way to Live Out Loud.