Kerri Richardson



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

I have reached a point in my life/career were I want to do something else. In the past when this has happened, I’ve always known what my next step would be. What’s challenging for me this time is that I don’t. I am exhausted of the toxic environment I am in and wish to be free from it. How to do I start figuring out what my next step is?

Signed,
Miffed in Miami

Dear Miffed,

What an exciting time to be on the verge of change! While you’re unsure of your next step, what you are clear on, it seems, is that you want out of your current environment.

When a desire to escape a situation is a main motivator to initiating change, we need to be careful about possibly jumping from the frying pan into the fire. To help yourself get clear on what it is you’d like to do next, I’d first encourage you to find ways to emotionally detach from the drama and toxicity of your current work environment. How can you take care of yourself, energetically, so you are not depleting your spirit’s resources by “tolerating” or “surviving” at work? How can you leave work at work? By not exploring these avenues, it’s likely you’ll find yourself in a similar, if not worse, environment next.

Consider this: When you feel aggravated or your buttons get pushed by something at work, vent in a notebook, take a walk, or close your door and do 60 seconds of deep breathing. These exercises can help bring you back to center and re-ground your energy, putting you more in a position of power in regards to your life and situation. And the bonus? Once you detach yourself from the toxicity as much as you can, you’ll be much more likely to identify your next steps, and have it be from a place of power instead of desperation.

By feeling tangled up in an unhealthy environment, you don’t have the space available to pursue or welcome in new directions or opportunities, so it’s no wonder you don’t feel clear on your next move. Focus your actions on creating that space to effect change. Start by taking care of yourself where you are in order to discover where you want to go.

Cheers,
Kerri
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“And the sign said ‘Long-haired freaky people need not apply’…”

– Five Man Electrical Band

My friend’s son, Mike*, is wrapping up his sophomore year in high school. He gets good grades, takes college classes in the summer, and is an overall sweet kid. Excited to be getting his license soon, he recently applied for a job at a local grocery store so he could afford the expenses that come with driving. Pretty responsible, I’d say, in this era of entitlement.

While speaking with the manager, Mike was told that he couldn’t work there unless he cut his hair; all males who work there are required to keep their hair above shoulder-length. Mike’s hair is long — about to his mid-back. But it is combed, clean, and well-kept.

I can appreciate the manager’s position — not wanting long hair around groceries. And Mike is more than willing to put it up, tuck it under a hat, or any other accommodation he needs to make — except cut it. But, those aren’t options for him. It’s cut it, or no job.

Mike made an interesting point – there are plenty of young women working at the store with long hair. They are simply required to wear it up. So, why is it any different for him? He says it seems a bit sexist.

It’s a thought to ponder. Why is it OK for the girls to have long hair but not the boys? Yes, it would be naive to think people no longer judge a book by its cover, but I know for me, as long as the person working at my grocery store is clean, helpful and friendly, I couldn’t care less about how they choose to wear their hair. I can also respect that some people may feel differently.

It’s a shame that this store is losing out on a potentially stellar employee over what, I think, is an outdated policy. What do you think? How important is the length of employee’s hair, or their overall appearance, to you and your shopping experience?

*not his real name

Image by somegeekintn

Growing up, I lived next to Woodsy’s, a corner store and deli. The owner of the store, Dixie, was an elderly man who suffered from severe arthritis, so much so that the kids in the neighborhood referred to his hands as claws (fortunately, not to his face).

Dixie gave me my first job at the age of 9. He had an ice machine in his store, and he would bag the ice to sell it. With the toll the arthritis had taken on his hands, he needed some help bagging because he couldn’t maneuver the twist tie. I was thrilled when he offered me the job – for a whole 50 cents an hour.

On my first day, Dixie taught me the secret of the twist tie. “Pinch and twist, Kerri. Pinch and twist. That’ll get you the best closure.” I remember wanting to do a really good job, and as I closed each bag, I’d repeat the mantra to myself – “Pinch and twist. Pinch and twist.” I had finished about 10 bags when he first came to check on me. “Wow!” he exclaimed. “You’re doing a great job! You’ve gotten a lot done. Now, let’s check out the tying job.” I remember feeling a moment of trepidation. “Oh, I hope I did it right,” I thought. “Kerri, I must say, “ Dixie continued, “this is some of the best pinching and twisting I’ve seen in a long time! I’m sure lucky to have you helping me.”

Now, was it really the best pinching and twisting he had seen? Surely not, as I saw him re-securing some bags as he put them in the ice chest for sale, but his appreciation and reassurance made me want to do an even better job for him. It warmed my heart to help him, and he made me feel significant and seen every time I was with him.

At the end of my “shift”, which was always as long or as short as I liked, he’d offer me my pay right from the register, or I had the option of taking home some sweets for payment. I remember almost always opting for the sweet reward, and without fail, I’d choose a soda (often either Mountain Dew, orange soda, or grape soda) and Suzy Q’s; he’d sometimes throw in a candy bar, too. Come to think of it, I’ve read that we often crave certain foods in an attempt to relive a fond memory or time from our past where we ate that food. A-ha! So, it’s not the Suzy Q’s I’m craving as an adult; it’s the special time with Dixie.

I love to think about the people who came into my life as a child and made a lasting impression, whether it was my 8th grade English teacher (aptly named Mr. Devine) who helped me fall in love with the power of words through his Parts of Speech songs, or my best friend from grammar school, Amy Consigli, who you could always count on for a warm greeting and a friendly smile. And dear, sweet Dixie – one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. Although he traveled quite a difficult road in his life, he still managed to make this little girl feel pretty special.

Image by Engage-toi