Kerri Richardson



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

Why do I keep attracting new friends that prove to be untrustworthy? Everything seems great, and then one day they open up to me and start gossiping about all of their friends, and most of what they are saying isn’t very nice.  I don’t know how to continue being friends with someone who does that because I worry what they may be saying about me so I end up pulling away.

Signed,
Confused in New Hampshire

Dear Confused,

Thanks for your question. It’s one I’m sure lots of people can relate to.

It’s always good to pay attention to the repetitive challenges the Universe sends us. These friends of yours who come into your life and gossip about others are giving you a great opportunity to set some boundaries.

While pulling away is one way to set boundaries, if it’s a friendship you’d like to keep, develop, and grow, then I’d encourage you to consider a conversation with that person about your discomfort with gossip.

Imagine saying something like this, “Jane, in honor of our friendship, I want to be honest with you. When we’re together and you begin talking about someone who’s not with us, it makes me uncomfortable. I’d much rather have our time together be spent on sharing, laughing, and celebrating one another. So I’m asking you to refrain from gossiping when we’re hanging out so we both can be more present for each other.”

How would it feel to have that kind of conversation (tweaked to sound like your own voice)? Chances are, you’ll have to remind your friend of this new boundary a couple times before she gets it. If, after reminders, she is still not honoring your needs and that’s that may be when it’s time to think about ending the friendship.

When you think about the friendships you’ve pulled away from, are there ones you miss and you could consider having a chat like the one above with them?

Setting boundaries is so incredibly important to our quality of life. When we do it, we create energetic space for even more wonderful people to come into our lives. Don’t let gossiping friends occupy the space of mutual, loving, fun, authentic friendships. Give them the chance to be that type of person and see if the relationship evolves.

Sending love,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

About a year ago, I left a regular corporate job and went into business for myself. I work out of my home as the only member of my company. Things are going really well, however, I find myself second guessing my decision. Financially, business is very successful, and I love the flexibility in my schedule and the independence. Sometimes, though, I find my motivation and energy level dipping. Now that the somewhat frantic pace of getting the business established has mostly wound down, I’m often slow to get going and procrastinating a bit; even occasionally missing my old job, which to my logical mind, seems nuts since I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Do all new entrepreneurs go through this dip and what can I do about it?

Signed,
Perplexed in Poughkeepsie, NY

Dear Perplexed,

Congratulations on making the successful transition to entrepreneurship! That is quite a feat, and you should be proud!

It sounds like now that things have settled a bit, the quieter energy is allowing you to be with yourself more and with the busyness less. Depending on your personality, that can be a blessing or a curse.

When you’re feeling low energy, do you like to refuel with quiet alone time or by being around people? Some really need solitude to rejuvenate and feel “clicked in” again. Others, and this happens a lot with solopreneurs like yourself, the isolation that can come with running your own business out of your home can be a bit daunting.

My guess is that it’s not your old job you are missing, but the social connection of having co-workers. Give this a shot: Over the next week, choose two days when you can spend a couple of hours working from a local coffee shop or your public library. Try to stay at least two hours there, and while you’re there, as well as after you’re home, take a few moments to check in to see how you feel. I bet your mood will be lifted and you’ll feel much more motivated. Sometimes we just need to be in the energy of others without needing to engage in chit chat or conversation.

If you find that this “dip” that you’re feeling persists and begins to interfere with your daily get-up-and-go, you might consider seeking the support of a good therapist. You can ask for referrals from your primary care physician (if you really connect well with him or her), friends, family, or your insurance company. Giving yourself this gift of a full hour where you get to talk things through with an objective professional is invaluable. Take some time to write down your ideal qualities in a therapist, and be sure to interview a few to find a good match.

Best of luck to you in your business and in your ongoing self care!

Cheers,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email

Do you often find that no matter how hard you search to find it, time remains elusive? Feel like you don’t have the “oomph” you need? The culprit may be energy drains that are invisibly tugging at you each time you come across them or even think about them.

Imagine your day. You wake to the startling sound of a blasting alarm clock. You drag yourself out of bed and, like every other morning, trip over the stack of magazines on your bedroom floor. As you shuffle to the bathroom you grumble, “I’ve got to go through that pile.”

You enter the bathroom to splash much-needed water on your face, and are greeted by the drip, drip, drip, of the faucet. In the back of your mind you hear, “I’ve got to get that fixed.”

After you’re dressed and ready to go, you get into your car, pushing aside empty food containers and coffee cups to get to the seat. You start the engine, look at the dash, and notice – No gas!

Upon your arrival at work, the I-wake-up-talking co-worker greets you with any news of the day, including traffic and weather reports, even though your body language is clearly delivering the message that you’re not a morning person.

You get the picture. Can you pick out the energy drains listed in only the first hour of your day? Here’s a hint – they’re any part you read that made you feel aggravated.

The annoying sound of your alarm, the stack of magazines, the drip of the sink, the messy car, the empty fuel tank, and the chatty co-worker are playing a large part in what is depleting your energy day after day.

And it’s not only the annoyances present that are slowly sucking you of your life-force. It could also be what’s missing. Are you happy with the relationships in your life? Do you have a good, solid friend you can share time with and rely upon? Is your home environment just as you want it to be – filled with beauty, whatever that means to you?

To help you identify what energy drains are in your life, make a list of 10 things you are tolerating, such as the dripping sink or the messy car. Now make a second list of 10 things that need handling in your life, such as the dentist appointment you should make or the complaining friend you need to have a loving conversation with to get her to stop dumping on you.

Make a commitment to eliminate three things from your toleration list and two things from your need-to-be handled list every week. When the lists are done, make new ones. Before you know it, you’ll have more energy to spend time with those you love, to charge after those long held-off dreams and goals, and to take better care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Now imagine your day. You wake up to your favorite music. You climb out of bed and start the day with a full, deep breath and a nice, big stretch. You could walk to the bathroom with your eyes closed because you know there’s nothing you’ll trip over. You step into your beautiful bathroom that’s decorated just the way you like, and everything is in perfect working condition. You climb into your clean, fueled-up car and off you go to work where you have made your needs gracefully clear.

Don’t you feel lighter just thinking about it?

Image by Caitlinator

Does everyone have one? A box or a drawer filled with watches whose batteries have long since died? I forget about mine until I go to choose a watch to wear, always to find my only option is gold. What’s a girl to do if her outfit calls for a sporty one? Or, heaven for bid, silver? Usually I opt to go without. But I walk away frustrated.

Sure, there are worse problems in the world, but sometimes it’s the little things like this that just nag at you. Every time I open that drawer in my jewelry armoire – enter aggravation.

I remember one December years ago, Missy got the batteries replaced in my favorite watches, wrapped them up, and gave them to me for Christmas. It was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. She laughed it off, thinking it was silly to wrap them up like they were new. What she didn’t realize is that what she actually wrapped up in those boxes were thoughtfulness, relief, evidence of my really being seen by her, and the remedy for the consistent loss of energy around the dead watches. I felt like I had gotten a huge energy transfusion!

Hmm, my intention was to write a quick, quirky entry, but perhaps there’s a moral to this story after all. Maybe consider this a sign to think differently about the gifts you give others this holiday season and all year ’round. How about instead of a gift card or candle, there’s a project you could help a loved one finish – or begin. Is there an event your Mom, Dad, brother, sister, or best friend would love to go to, and going with you would make it even more special? There’s no gift more precious than your time (and if my batteries were replaced in my watches, I could tell you the time).

Image by alexkerhead

My office feels incredible this morning! The energy is flowing, the air is clear, and life is good!

Yesterday, I dedicated a good portion of the night to cleaning out my filing cabinet. I went through past client files and statements and piled up notes, documents, and details no longer relevant or needed. I ceremoniously released that history through burning the pages in my fireplace and offering blessings to the clients, creditors, and anyone else affiliated with the experiences. I wished them well as I sent them on their way and offered them love and abundance as they continue their journeys. I now have only current and relevant items in the cabinet and open file folders inviting more incredible people to partner with me as they learn and grow.

I also rearranged the desk in my office, so now, instead of having a window to my right to glance out of, it is right here in front of me so I can even more easily look out at the gorgeous field across the street. By turning my L-shaped desk in this new way, I’ve also opened up the energy flow track from the door. Before, it would get abruptly stopped by my desk and all the necessary cords and wires from computers, modems, and printers. Now I can feel it swirling in easily and gently encircling me and my work space.

Today, after clients, writing, and some other work, I plan on organizing the closet more effectively, re-configuring an outlet so it’s controlled by the light switch, and smudging my office as the final touches to this magnificent space. What a way to start the new decade!

While these projects are on the bigger side, it’s so good to remember that even the smallest attention to the smallest of details gets the energy flowing better in my world. So, what needs your attention? What’s one, small thing you can do right now to address it? Well, what are you waiting for?