Kerri Richardson



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

Why do I keep attracting new friends that prove to be untrustworthy? Everything seems great, and then one day they open up to me and start gossiping about all of their friends, and most of what they are saying isn’t very nice.  I don’t know how to continue being friends with someone who does that because I worry what they may be saying about me so I end up pulling away.

Signed,
Confused in New Hampshire

Dear Confused,

Thanks for your question. It’s one I’m sure lots of people can relate to.

It’s always good to pay attention to the repetitive challenges the Universe sends us. These friends of yours who come into your life and gossip about others are giving you a great opportunity to set some boundaries.

While pulling away is one way to set boundaries, if it’s a friendship you’d like to keep, develop, and grow, then I’d encourage you to consider a conversation with that person about your discomfort with gossip.

Imagine saying something like this, “Jane, in honor of our friendship, I want to be honest with you. When we’re together and you begin talking about someone who’s not with us, it makes me uncomfortable. I’d much rather have our time together be spent on sharing, laughing, and celebrating one another. So I’m asking you to refrain from gossiping when we’re hanging out so we both can be more present for each other.”

How would it feel to have that kind of conversation (tweaked to sound like your own voice)? Chances are, you’ll have to remind your friend of this new boundary a couple times before she gets it. If, after reminders, she is still not honoring your needs and that’s that may be when it’s time to think about ending the friendship.

When you think about the friendships you’ve pulled away from, are there ones you miss and you could consider having a chat like the one above with them?

Setting boundaries is so incredibly important to our quality of life. When we do it, we create energetic space for even more wonderful people to come into our lives. Don’t let gossiping friends occupy the space of mutual, loving, fun, authentic friendships. Give them the chance to be that type of person and see if the relationship evolves.

Sending love,
Kerri
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To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

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• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email

This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of encouraging and inspiring you all through your shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

I have been training with someone to be a life coach for a few months now. I only have three more one-hour calls left, and I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything! I tell her that I feel stuck and that I need more one-on-one. I’m suppose to get certified by October, and don’t feel anywhere near ready. What should I do? I can’t afford to dish out more money!

Signed,
Disillusioned in Detroit

Dear Disillusioned,

I’m so sorry to hear you are not getting the kind of support you need. What you are getting, however, is several opportunities for growth with this situation!

As a future coach, you’re benefiting greatly from having the experience of being a client. In light of that, consider what you would want clients of yours to do if they felt like they weren’t getting what they had hoped from the coaching relationship. This, in and of itself, is a great learning opportunity for you, and wonderful practice for your future career.

I’d encourage you to evaluate your initial expectations of this coaching arrangement. Where you are training with this person in an effort to get certified, was the relationship set up as instructor/student, where the coach is consulting with you on specific areas of coaching to help you with your certification, or was the intention for you to see what it is like to be a client?  Make sure your expectations match the intention of the relationship when formed.

There’s also an opportunity to set some gracious, yet firm, boundaries in this situation. I understand that you have expressed your need for more one-on-one time, and I assume by your frustration that this need has not been met. I’d encourage you to consider a direct conversation with the coach, describing what you had hoped to achieve through your partnering when you first started versus what you feel you’ve received. Follow that up with the specific needs you’d like to cover in your final sessions with her — and be open to her input. Any professional and established coach should be more than willing to hear this kind of feedback.

It’s important to remember that coaching is a client-driven process. With three more one-hour sessions yet to be held, you have a choice here to either get exactly what you need from the relationship (considering the coach is equipped to provide it) or you can cancel the remaining sessions and request a refund, if you’ve paid in advance. Then, you could use that money on subject-specific training that you feel you are lacking. You can check out a la carte classes through a reputable training organization, such as CoachU or Coachville.

It is ultimately the client’s responsibility to make sure you are getting what you need, and if you’re not, to address it or end the relationship. Just be sure to be open to a different opinion and a fresh perspective as that’s where a lot of the magic of coaching happens.

I wish you all the best!

Cheers,
Kerri

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email!

Do you often find that no matter how hard you search to find it, time remains elusive? Feel like you don’t have the “oomph” you need? The culprit may be energy drains that are invisibly tugging at you each time you come across them or even think about them.

Imagine your day. You wake to the startling sound of a blasting alarm clock. You drag yourself out of bed and, like every other morning, trip over the stack of magazines on your bedroom floor. As you shuffle to the bathroom you grumble, “I’ve got to go through that pile.”

You enter the bathroom to splash much-needed water on your face, and are greeted by the drip, drip, drip, of the faucet. In the back of your mind you hear, “I’ve got to get that fixed.”

After you’re dressed and ready to go, you get into your car, pushing aside empty food containers and coffee cups to get to the seat. You start the engine, look at the dash, and notice – No gas!

Upon your arrival at work, the I-wake-up-talking co-worker greets you with any news of the day, including traffic and weather reports, even though your body language is clearly delivering the message that you’re not a morning person.

You get the picture. Can you pick out the energy drains listed in only the first hour of your day? Here’s a hint – they’re any part you read that made you feel aggravated.

The annoying sound of your alarm, the stack of magazines, the drip of the sink, the messy car, the empty fuel tank, and the chatty co-worker are playing a large part in what is depleting your energy day after day.

And it’s not only the annoyances present that are slowly sucking you of your life-force. It could also be what’s missing. Are you happy with the relationships in your life? Do you have a good, solid friend you can share time with and rely upon? Is your home environment just as you want it to be – filled with beauty, whatever that means to you?

To help you identify what energy drains are in your life, make a list of 10 things you are tolerating, such as the dripping sink or the messy car. Now make a second list of 10 things that need handling in your life, such as the dentist appointment you should make or the complaining friend you need to have a loving conversation with to get her to stop dumping on you.

Make a commitment to eliminate three things from your toleration list and two things from your need-to-be handled list every week. When the lists are done, make new ones. Before you know it, you’ll have more energy to spend time with those you love, to charge after those long held-off dreams and goals, and to take better care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Now imagine your day. You wake up to your favorite music. You climb out of bed and start the day with a full, deep breath and a nice, big stretch. You could walk to the bathroom with your eyes closed because you know there’s nothing you’ll trip over. You step into your beautiful bathroom that’s decorated just the way you like, and everything is in perfect working condition. You climb into your clean, fueled-up car and off you go to work where you have made your needs gracefully clear.

Don’t you feel lighter just thinking about it?

Image by Caitlinator