It’s OK To Be Needy… Right?

Date posted: May 22, 2014

In just over a week, we will no longer be homeowners. It’s surreal, exciting, terrifying, relieving, and sad. We’ll become apartment dwellers again, at least temporarily, before embarking on our cross-country, RV adventure. It can sometimes feel like we’re going backwards, that is until I remember that my dream is not the typical American dream (as I wrote about here).

Our days are so busy with details, logistics, and purging of belongings, that there’s not much space or time to feel what’s happening. Then the quiet of nighttime comes.needypeople

As I unwind from the day, in creeps the uneasiness and discomfort of change. While I’d normally be giggling at our cats as they fly by the family room door, chasing each other, instead my thoughts go to “The babies are going to miss this house so much.” Do you project your anxiety on your pets, too? 🙂

I’m not a big fan of feeling vulnerable (really, who is?), but I also know that learning to lean on others is one of my main soul lessons in this lifetime. My prominent blocking belief tells me that my value is based on what I can do for others, and that needing others weakens my standing.

I’ve had friends tell me that they feel closer to me on those rare occasions when I share my struggles with them. Because my limiting belief still rules the roost (though it’s losing ground), I mostly keep myself in check, collapsing into the arms of a very, very few. As such, I’ve taught most of the people in my life to be in relationship with me in a certain way: as their go-to person who gets shit done and can help them solve any issue. They’re not used to hanging out with scared and vulnerable Kerri, and some of them just wouldn’t know what to do with her. Admittedly, I’m not the easiest person to support. After all, I don’t have a lot of experience with it.

During this major change in my life, I have a couple of choices: I can follow my old modus operandi and numb out with tasks, busyness, and food, or I can practice feeling the discomfort and fear, be vulnerable, and *gulp* lean on people. Someone pass me a cookie!

Well, unless I want to keep bumping up against this “growth opportunity”, I better get down to the business of becoming more proficient at being needy. Yuk.

So, where do you struggle in your life with vulnerability? Is there some other overriding belief that trips you up? Maybe you tell yourself you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Do your past experiences lead you to believe that you can’t seem to catch a break? It’s time to tell this suffocating thinking to take a hike! Who’s with me? (To read more on flipping a blocking belief, check out my blog post here.)

OK, don’t leave me hanging. Share your experience in the comments section below, or just tell me how much you love me when I’m vulnerable! 😉

Until next week, keep taking those small steps to Live Out Loud.

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  1. Kerri,
    This post is just perfect. I’ve been planning to write about fear and I definitely will link to your thoughts here. Major congrats on living YOUR dream! Can’t wait to see you blog about the RV trip. What a thrill! Keep up the fantastic work!

  2. Recently I had an experience where I shared my story in a public place and someone asked me if they could write a blog about their experience with me and my share. I agreed and when I read the blog post I instantly had a vulnerability hangover! Because they were making another point they shared a very sensitive piece of my story incompletely in a way that left my experience vulnerable to many different interpretations by anyone who read it. I realized how badly I felt around being vulnerable to peoples perceptions of me. Now I’m working on releasing my attachment to how people see me and my story. #vulnerabilityISwork

  3. Thank you for your poignant post, Kerri. And good luck on your transition! This is a big deal and it deserves all the attention you can give it. You are brave to go through the changes, and for giving yourself permission to be vulnerable to your chosen few (this is key!). Keeping your heart open through all of this is not an easy task, but the richness that you will experience from this will be so priceless.

    Personally, during my mid-twenties, I expressed my vulnerability a lot, but I’ve lost relationships because of it. Then I became so afraid of being too close to anyone so I stopped being vulnerable, then I lost relationships as well. These experiences were mirroring to me my fear of abandonment. Over time, I learned not to abandon myself when times get rough, so when I’m in a vulnerable place now, I can just be there and not judge myself. It’s still hard as hell to sit in it, but after some time, after the fear and pain subsides, I see and take in the lessons–and I am transformed.

    • Thanks for joining the conversation, Barbara. What powerful experiences you shared! I love how you found your way to realizing they were mirrors for your fear of abandonment and the importance of not abandoning yourself. Brava!

  4. Kerri,
    I don’t think there is anything wrong with being needy from time to time, especially this time in your life. You seem like a strong, capable woman who at the moment is making a huge change and let’s face it, you may need help right now.

    I am strong willed, doing much on my own and when I ask for help people they look at me like I’m crazy. But your so organized they say and you NEED help, yes I do. I cannot do everything, Wonder Woman doesn’t live here. I put my ego on the porch, ask for help with my “need” and wait until the Calvary comes through, is it uncomfortable, yes, but so worth it.

    • Amen, Kate! It IS so worth it! Yes, when you’re the go-to person, folks can be surprised when you need help, too, but with the right people, it can deepen relationships, for sure.

  5. okay, so i have to laugh…. i’m sitting in my home on the eastern seaboard where i raised my 2 children: far, far away from the new life that i am trying to build on west coast with the most wonderful man i’ve ever met (and no snow and ice damn gutters!!!). sitting here worrying about everything… about how to rejoin the workforce, about clearing my east coast home (yet still hanging on to it until my kids successfully launch after college). i finally decided i needed to reach for help. so i searched my email for my backlog of ‘kerri richardson’ emails and learn that you are transitioning too! and far faster than my slow-mo method. anyway, CONGRATULATIONS! kerri on launching into road warrior status! (my grandparents did that and LOVED it!!) and for learning to lean (imagine that word in italics) 😉 i prepaid for some sessions with you and would love to use them when the timing is right. and, who knows? maybe we will both be on the other coast by then!

    • Thanks for chiming in, Jasmine! While my plans are in motion, it still looks like we are at least a year out before we hit the road, but I trust everything happens in divine timing! I invite you to do the same. 🙂

      I look forward to working together when you’re ready!

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