Kerri Richardson

Recently, I had plans to get together with friends. However, something came up at the last minute and we had to cancel. I was disappointed, but the cause was out of my hands. I found myself stewing, as I was looking forward to seeing them, and disappointing friends is not high on my priority list.

There I was, aggravated. After a bit, I thought, “Is my being annoyed going to change the fact that we had to cancel?” Nope, it sure isn’t.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we only had to learn each life lesson once? Like our good old friend, “resistance”. That little gem always causes such suffering, and seems to rear its head often.

I could have spent my entire evening disappointed, resisting the fact that we had to cancel, or I could accept what is and re-frame the scope of my night.

So, after some short-term pouting, I chose to accept the reality, and then I was able to enjoy a nice, relaxing evening at home.

You’ve probably heard the saying “What we resist, persists.” But, have you really thought about what that means? Think of it this way: Our suffering is most often caused by our resistance to what is. Go back and re-read that statement. Let it really sink in. Disliking the way things are right now, and spending your energy on disliking it, is never the answer in making it better.

Think about an area of your life that you wish was different, better, or easier. Now, honestly evaluate how much of the aggravation you feel is due to how much you don’t want that particular area to look or feel the way it currently does. When we resist so strongly something that is the truth for us right now, we keep an energetic tie to the undesired situation that can be difficult to break. The key to breaking it? Yup, you guessed it — Let It Be. Try releasing the choke-hold on how frustrating things currently seem, and not only will you feel some quick relief to your stress. but you’ll also be able to more easily come up with steps you can take to improve it. The last thing you want to do is resist your resistance.

I love the photo above. The shirt and sweatshirt together read, “Resist”, but zipper up the sweatshirt, and you get the word, “Rest.” When you don’t resist, you get to rest — and you get to be far more open to new opportunities and possibilities.

When you find yourself annoyed, aggravated, or hurt, stop and ask, “Is there anything I can do to change the reality of my current situation?” If not, recognize your suffering for what it is and give yourself permission to let go. If you are able to identify logical action steps to help you out of your dilemma, start by deciding which small, manageable move to make first.

So, what are you resisting?

Photo by L. Marie

Growing up, I lived next to Woodsy’s, a corner store and deli. The owner of the store, Dixie, was an elderly man who suffered from severe arthritis, so much so that the kids in the neighborhood referred to his hands as claws (fortunately, not to his face).

Dixie gave me my first job at the age of 9. He had an ice machine in his store, and he would bag the ice to sell it. With the toll the arthritis had taken on his hands, he needed some help bagging because he couldn’t maneuver the twist tie. I was thrilled when he offered me the job – for a whole 50 cents an hour.

On my first day, Dixie taught me the secret of the twist tie. “Pinch and twist, Kerri. Pinch and twist. That’ll get you the best closure.” I remember wanting to do a really good job, and as I closed each bag, I’d repeat the mantra to myself – “Pinch and twist. Pinch and twist.” I had finished about 10 bags when he first came to check on me. “Wow!” he exclaimed. “You’re doing a great job! You’ve gotten a lot done. Now, let’s check out the tying job.” I remember feeling a moment of trepidation. “Oh, I hope I did it right,” I thought. “Kerri, I must say, “ Dixie continued, “this is some of the best pinching and twisting I’ve seen in a long time! I’m sure lucky to have you helping me.”

Now, was it really the best pinching and twisting he had seen? Surely not, as I saw him re-securing some bags as he put them in the ice chest for sale, but his appreciation and reassurance made me want to do an even better job for him. It warmed my heart to help him, and he made me feel significant and seen every time I was with him.

At the end of my “shift”, which was always as long or as short as I liked, he’d offer me my pay right from the register, or I had the option of taking home some sweets for payment. I remember almost always opting for the sweet reward, and without fail, I’d choose a soda (often either Mountain Dew, orange soda, or grape soda) and Suzy Q’s; he’d sometimes throw in a candy bar, too. Come to think of it, I’ve read that we often crave certain foods in an attempt to relive a fond memory or time from our past where we ate that food. A-ha! So, it’s not the Suzy Q’s I’m craving as an adult; it’s the special time with Dixie.

I love to think about the people who came into my life as a child and made a lasting impression, whether it was my 8th grade English teacher (aptly named Mr. Devine) who helped me fall in love with the power of words through his Parts of Speech songs, or my best friend from grammar school, Amy Consigli, who you could always count on for a warm greeting and a friendly smile. And dear, sweet Dixie – one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. Although he traveled quite a difficult road in his life, he still managed to make this little girl feel pretty special.

Image by Engage-toi

A few years back, I visited Miraval Resort and Spa –- a beautiful, luxury destination that focuses on physical, emotional, and spiritual health. I knew, in planning my trip, that I wanted to test my limits.

The most obvious test came when I decided to tackle The Climbing Wall, one of Miraval’s Challenge Course activities -– an outdoor wall that’s meant to mimic rock climbing. Standing back from the wall and looking at it as a whole, it looked relatively easy -– despite the 32-foot height (gulp!). OK. Yup, I see pegs that I can stand on and hold, foot holes in the wall where I can step. So it’s just a different kind of ladder. No big deal.

There I am, all geared up, on belay and ready to go. I start my ascent. I climb with such grace and ease –- for the first three feet or so. I now find myself right up against the wall, only able to see the pegs and foot holes directly in front of me. Hmmm. Talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees. Yeah, yeah, I get the metaphor.

So here I am, in a pretty vulnerable position (not a comfortable state for me!), hanging from a rope, held by a complete stranger –- who, by the way, is acting as a belayer for the first time in her life -– and I must trust those on the ground to tell me where to step next. Oh, yeah, great idea, Kerri. You couldn’t have just challenged yourself to get an extra massage today?

I continue my ascent, ever so s-l-o-w-l-y, where I then reach a point where I feel like I can go no further. No, literally. I can’t see any nearby peg or foot hole to go after. Ohhh, so here’s the trust part. Yuk. The helpful classmates on the ground below are doing their best to convince me that there is a peg right at my left knee, and if I can shift my weight and push myself up by my right leg, while simultaneously reaching for a hole above my head, I can get my left foot on that invisible peg. Did those instructions sound unclear to you? Try being the one on the wall! Here I am contemplating my next move:

“No,” I say. “This is it for me. I can’t go any further.”

“Are you sure?” says Jim, the really wonderful instructor (truly).

I pause. “OK, that pause tells me you’d like to keep going,” Jim says.

Damn pause.

I stand still for a moment, doing some deep breathing on Jim’s suggestion. “Just try it, Kerri,” I tell myself. “Just give it a shot.” OK, here I go… Shift my weight, push up with my right foot, reach, and….. I slip right off the wall.

The good news? The rookie belayer doesn’t let me plummet to my death. The other good news? I now have solid evidence that I can trust her. I’m now more determined than ever to try that next step again.

I get myself to the same spot and get really quiet. I breathe and start pumping myself up in my head. “I’m not giving up. I’ll get to that peg I can’t see. I’m not leaving this wall until I do.” I make the move again and find my footing weak, so come back to position. I pause for just a second or two and lunge once again. I shift, I push, I reach and … I did it! Everyone down below cheers. I feel fantastic! I both can and can’t believe I really did it.

Although this was the end of my climb (I was physically and emotionally exhausted), I got to the point on the wall that was my minimum goal, so I was pretty darn impressed with myself.

Jeanette (aka, “the rookie belayer”) eases me down off my perch until I’m safely back on the ground. High fives all around as Jim says “So what did you learn up there?” The first thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Well, I can push myself further than I thought I could.”

“That’s great,” Jim says. “I encourage you to remember that statement in all areas of your life.”

And I do. Whether it’s during a workout on the elliptical or taking the risk to deepen a friendship by bringing conversations beyond chit chat, I try and remember to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone because the feeling on the other side is always worth it.

For those of you who know me, it’ll come as no surprise when I say I’m not a huge fan of camping – I’m more of a “serve-me-breakfast-in-bed-resort” versus a “build-your-own-room-and-sleep-with-bugs” kind of gal. However, Melissa loves the outdoors and really enjoys camping, and since relationships involve compromise, compromise I did. A while back, we, along with a friend of ours, went camping in Hancock, NH.

Now, it’s not the outdoors I dislike, it’s the walking a distance in the middle of the night when you have to pee part that doesn’t appeal to me. Other things I really enjoy – like the kayaking we got to do and spending time among nature’s wonders – one of which being Monadnock Mountain in Jaffrey, NH, which we decided to hike while we were in the area. If you’re not familiar with the mountain, here’s some interesting facts:

• It’s the most climbed mountain in the world (yes, the world – right ahead of Mt. Fuji in Japan) – 125,000 people get to the top each year.

• There are at least a dozen, well-marked trails – of various skill levels – leading to the summit.

• It’s the most popular mountain in the USA, partly due to the fact that when hikers reach the top, on a clear day you’re rewarded with panoramic views to all six New England states.

• Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and other thinkers of our country have hiked it and mentioned it in writings as a symbol of spiritual and environmental awareness.

We had hiked this mountain before, probably 5 years ago or so. I remember it being quite a challenging climb, mostly at the top when you are above the tree line and you are essentially rock climbing. However, this time, we took a different trail – one much more difficult – that was mainly made up of rocks and boulders.

During our climb, we decide to rest for a bit for some water and trail mix (could there be a more appropriate food for hiking? ). We get to talking, and before we know it, a half hour has passed. Disappointed by how much time we had lost by the impromptu break, we quickly get back on our way. On we climb, and after some tricky maneuvers, we reach the summit – 3,165 feet. Our legs fatigued, and the wind practically knocking us over, we sit to rest before enjoying the views.

Then, it’s picture time. For my photo, I want to stand on the tippity-top – the technical 3,165-foot peak (a rock is carved to indicate the true summit). I wait as other climbers have their photo opportunity, then it’s my turn. As I stand there trying to hold myself steady for the picture (it was really windy), out of literally nowhere appears an airplane. No one hears it until it’s practically on top of us. Everyone on the summit (about 50-60 people or so) gasps and looks to the sky. There I am, holding myself steady from the wind and now from the roaring of this unbelievably close plane, and as I look up, the plane suddenly starts doing maneuvers – flips, pirouettes (I’m sure the military has a much more masculine term for that spin!), and dips. Then, as quickly as it appears, it disappears on the other side of the mountain. People run to see where it went, but it’s gone. Vanished.

Then, along comes a second plane, showcasing similar aerial dancing. A fellow climber tells us that it’s the Air Force doing maneuvers – he believes the aircraft is an A10 Thunderbolt. What better place to do your maneuvers than where you know you’ll have a captive audience?! This pilot is so close that as he’s flipping, he waves at all of us and we can see him! Spontaneously, I turn into a little girl, laughing and clapping as I stand on the summit. The rush I feel from having completed the climb, combined with standing on the tip-top summit just as this amazing show in the sky presents itself to me is just indescribable. People take turns standing on the exact summit point, and it just happens to be my turn when the planes come.

Boy, am I glad we took that unplanned 30-minute snack/chat break part way up the mountain, otherwise we would have missed this entirely. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Perhaps I should trust the Universe’s timing more often.

There are those moments in life when we’re in the midst of them that we know they’re going to be Top Ten experiences for us. There are obvious ones like your wedding day, the birth of a child, and skydiving. Then there are the more subtle ones; times when you first feel it way down deep – a magnificent tickle of joy that starts at your toes and works its way up your entire being, ever so slowly at first until it kicks up and races into your heart. The impact of these times is usually much less predictable. Sure, you had an inkling that it was going to be fun, maybe even pretty special. But after, you feel it in every fiber.

My friend, Devon, introduced me to a place that, at the time, was less than 10 miles from my house, yet that I had never visited in the almost three years I’d lived here. It’s the Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, a part of the Massachusetts Audubon, and it’s a beautiful collection of about 10 miles of walking trails, along which you can see probably hundreds of different types of birds and all sorts of wildlife. Devon and I saw deer grazing only 15 feet away! This place is pretty amazing, but the most incredible part is an experience you can have there that I don’t know where else you can.

If you stand with your arm outstretched and hold bird seed in your hand, birds will come and eat right from your palm! Black-capped chickadees, tufted titmice, nuthatches. They’ll come, and they’ll eat. That’s my hand in the picture with a cute, little chickadee eating and his friend coming to join!

About a year ago, a woman I had just met asked where I lived. When I told her, her face lit up as she exclaimed, “Oh! Have you gone to the Audubon Society and fed the chickadees out of your hand?” To be honest, I thought she was nuts. Birds eating out of your hand? Who am I, Doctor Doolittle? I humored her and let her gush, but thought it just couldn’t be true. If I could find that woman now, I’d offer her a bag of bird seed as an apologetic gesture.

I’m a bird lover anyway, but to have them literally eating out of the palm of my hand was such an overwhelming experience; a closeness with nature that made my heart sing. This was a Top Ten experience for me, no question.

I’ve gone many times since that first time, and I plan on going many more with pockets filled with seeds.

My office feels incredible this morning! The energy is flowing, the air is clear, and life is good!

Yesterday, I dedicated a good portion of the night to cleaning out my filing cabinet. I went through past client files and statements and piled up notes, documents, and details no longer relevant or needed. I ceremoniously released that history through burning the pages in my fireplace and offering blessings to the clients, creditors, and anyone else affiliated with the experiences. I wished them well as I sent them on their way and offered them love and abundance as they continue their journeys. I now have only current and relevant items in the cabinet and open file folders inviting more incredible people to partner with me as they learn and grow.

I also rearranged the desk in my office, so now, instead of having a window to my right to glance out of, it is right here in front of me so I can even more easily look out at the gorgeous field across the street. By turning my L-shaped desk in this new way, I’ve also opened up the energy flow track from the door. Before, it would get abruptly stopped by my desk and all the necessary cords and wires from computers, modems, and printers. Now I can feel it swirling in easily and gently encircling me and my work space.

Today, after clients, writing, and some other work, I plan on organizing the closet more effectively, re-configuring an outlet so it’s controlled by the light switch, and smudging my office as the final touches to this magnificent space. What a way to start the new decade!

While these projects are on the bigger side, it’s so good to remember that even the smallest attention to the smallest of details gets the energy flowing better in my world. So, what needs your attention? What’s one, small thing you can do right now to address it? Well, what are you waiting for?