Kerri Richardson

This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

After being laid off in this difficult economy, how do I avoid hopelessness, in what seems like an impossible job search?

Signed,
Discouraged in Dallas

Dear Discouraged,

I’m so sorry to hear you were laid off, and in such a challenging job market. Thanks for writing in, as I know lots of people can relate to what you’re going through.

In a time where there are so many more applicants for any given job, it’s easy to feel hopeless. What’s important to remember is that, while action is one of the best remedies for discouragement, you also want to refuel just as you would while working at a job that requires a lot of your time and energy. As I’m sure you know by now, job hunting is full-time work!

People who are currently unemployed and on the job hunt often feel as if they don’t have permission to rest, relax, or replenish, but it’s so necessary in order to stay on the hunt day after day. By remembering to take care of your spirit during this time, you’ll be much more apt to be creative, innovative, and open to opportunities.

To help you along your journey, I’ve listed some suggestions below — both for job hunting and for replenishing. I hope you find them helpful!

• Take frequent breaks as you pore through the online listings. Step outside and get some fresh air. Go for a walk. Go see a movie alone. Give your mind a break. Doing so allows your right brain to jump in the driver’s seat for a bit, and that’s where we come up with some great ideas.

• Send an email to select people in your world — family, friends, old colleagues, etc — letting them know what you’re up to these days and asking specifically if they happen to know anyone in the fields you’re interested in. If you’ve done this already and you’ve been out of work for a while, consider sending it again so people realize you’re still looking.

• Social media. Post a similar message to the email you wrote on your Facebook page to broaden your reach. If you’re not already on Twitter, sign up. Start by finding people and organizations in your local area and/or preferred field to follow and correspond with. This way, you can have your finger on the pulse of your industry, and make connections you wouldn’t have otherwise.

• “Network” doesn’t have to be a dirty word. A search in this economy takes creativity, perseverance, and lots and lots of networking. Years ago, a career coach I know talked about how jobs are much more often found through word of mouth than from newspapers or online postings. While that was certainly true at the time, it’s even more relevant now. Many jobs are found through who you know, so network, network, network. Get creative in how you network to find an approach that you actually enjoy. Social media, as mentioned above, is one way, but you want to talk face-to-face with people, too. Yes, you can check out traditional networking groups or events through the unemployment office, but also remember that every social gathering you attend is an opportunity to make contacts. This doesn’t mean you show up to a friend’s dinner party with your resume. What it does mean, however, is that you show up with a positive attitude and some clear ideas on the fields you’re interested in exploring so when you’re asked the inevitable question, “What do you do?” you can be prepared with a response along the lines of, “I was recently laid off, and am exploring any and all opportunities in (fill in the blank).” Most people immediately start thinking about any connections or suggestions they have, so you’ll be surprised at what you can learn!

• Spend some time with that part of you who feels discouraged and hopeless. Journal a bit about how you’re feeling so you can honor the emotions around your current situation. Often times just by acknowledging how you’re feeling instead of trying to resist it can help you to feel better sooner.

By combining practical action steps with good soul care, you’re bound to find an opportunity that’s right up your alley while preventing suffering in the process.

Best of luck to you,
Kerri
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To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email





This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

I’ve had this inner discomfort for quite some time. It’s as if something within is yearning for more in life. I feel guilty even writing that as I am fortunate to have a loving family, a nice home, and great friends, but something seems to be missing. I’ve given thought to searching out a new passion, getting more involved in my community, or taking advantage of the great adult education programs in my area, but none of these ideas really light me up. How can I go about discovering what is missing?

Signed,
Longing in London

Dear Longing,

Bravo for caring enough about yourself and your needs to write for some support. I can really appreciate the longing you’ve been feeling, and how, based on your life circumstances, it almost feels “wrong” to struggle with this. But I can assure you, it’s far from wrong.

Each one of us has a responsibility to take the very best care of ourselves so we may drink from a full cup and truly have it runneth over — over to our family, friends, community, country, and world. So, despite the fortunes you currently have, it’s vital for you to still pay close attention to yourself — for you and for all those you touch.

Here’s something to consider. What if that longing you’re feeling could be quenched not by adding new focuses and activities to your life, but by removing some that aren’t nourishing you the way you deserve to be? A wise woman (who also happens to be my sister) once said: “A quality life has more to do with what you remove from it than what you add to it.”

Take an inventory of how you spend your time and energy each day. Look at your calendar and evaluate commitments, obligations, and invitations, while paying attention to your body’s reaction to the idea of attending those events. Now here’s the fun and tricky part — consider changing a previously given “yes” to a “no”. That’s right. I said it. Change your mind. And maybe even disappoint people. What?! Heaven forbid! Trust me. They’ll survive and you’ll thrive!

Finally, where can you get some more support in your life? As difficult as it is for lots of us to believe, everything doesn’t have to be done by us to be done right. Asking others to help you truly can be a gift not only for you, but for the other person, too. For example, asking your child to get their own things ready for school empowers them and indicates to them that you have confidence in their abilities. Or asking your spouse to do this week’s grocery shopping (following a specific list, of course!) may make him or her feel needed by you, and therefore, more valued. See how fun and productive this can be?

So, all you need to worry about right now, is taking a close look at how you’re spending your time and make a list of those things you are willing to consider changing your mind about or delegate away. That action alone, I bet, will start to answer that longing. You’re worth it.

Cheers,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

Why, no matter how hard I try, can’t I overcome procrastination? It applies to exercise, diet, hobbies, etc. Drives me nuts.

Signed,
Grappling in Germany

Dear Grappling,

Ah, procrastination — the age-old obstacle we all face from time to time. Many see it as a nemesis conspiring against you to prevent success at anything and everything you want in your life. But what if it isn’t a nemesis at all, and instead a messenger?

Procrastination can be the voice of our ego — that part of us that wants to keep us right where we are because it perceives any change as scary or bad, even if, logically, the change is for the better. Anything that is unfamiliar to that vulnerable part of us is seen as Danger. This is when procrastination is really a form of protection, initiated by our subconscious. In this case, very small steps toward your desired outcome is necessary, as well as listening to and honoring the resistance that is coming up. The small steps help to gently guide your ego along in a way that makes him feel held and safe, alleviating the fear of abandonment as you move forward.

For example, when thinking about your diet, focus on your very next food choice and working on making a healthier selection, even if that selection is one aspect of the meal and not the whole meal.  Or with your hobbies, give some thought to the activity you’d like to be more involved in and see how you can gently move forward — perhaps the hobby is photography. Just step outside and take a few shots. Yes, the steps might need to be that small.

Also, be careful of the “all or nothing” thinking. The “I will exercise every day for at least an hour,” thinking is too daunting for our subconscious. It doesn’t understand where it fits in the equation. Instead, “I’m going to exercise today for at least 15 minutes.” By planning a smaller goal, you have a far greater chance of success.

A similar role procrastination can play is keeping you “in pursuit”. You’ve heard the expression, “It’s all about the chase.” There’s something exciting about being in pursuit of a goal, and often times, people wrap their identity around who they are while chasing a dream. I read a study once that talked about a group of people who had been trying to lose weight most of their lives. When they finally got to their ideal weight, 75% of them gained a significant amount back within six months. What the study found is that they didn’t know how to live as the thin person they’ve always dreamed to be. They felt unfamiliar to themselves and unconsciously needed to go back to the heavier version to feel safe.

So when you think about the hobbies, diet, and exercise goals that you want to pursue, it’s important to remember to bring your subconscious along for the ride. Listen to that resistance. What is it trying to tell you? As ridiculous as it may seem, there is a reason it doesn’t want you to succeed, and it just wants to be heard. Whether you journal and dialogue with that part of you, or commit to being super present as you take the small steps, keeping your vulnerable partner by your side will most certainly move you toward success.

Good luck!
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email

This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

Is it too late for a 73-year-old to find her passion?

Signed,
Searching in Somerville

Dear Searching,

Too late? Never! As Barbara Sher said: “It’s only too late if you don’t start now.”

There’s lots of talk of people wanting to find their “passion” — that one thing in life that they’re really meant to do. But what often happens is they get so busy in pursuit of what “it” is, that they don’t see opportunities for fulfillment all around them.

Your passion can come in many different forms. Most think it’s only career related, but that’s far from the truth. We can be passionate about our work, yes, but we can also feel as strongly about our hobbies, family, pets, nature, volunteering, etc, etc, etc.

Take a moment right now and think about what you feel deeply connected to in your world. What topic do you “light up” about when discussed? Your kids? Grandkids? Animals? Church? Your community? A hobby? None, some, or all of the above?

If your grandkids are one of your passions, how about scheduling a weekly date with one or more, spending time together making memories. You could plan a different, inexpensive activity each week.

Is it animals? Consider volunteering at a humane, loving shelter and do your part to support animals yet to be adopted and the organizations that give them a temporary loving home.

Think about things you not only enjoy, but would also be proud to be a part of. Pay attention in your day to day and see when you feel your heart leap or your spirit soar. Jot down your findings to revisit and decide where you’d like to begin.

Also, be sure not to limit yourself to just one passion. This magnificent world of ours has so much to offer — it’s yours for the taking. When you feel fulfilled in lots of different ways, the pressure or desire to find your one, big passion fades pretty quickly, and you become acutely aware of the surplus of joy all around you.

Go get ‘em!
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

Why do I keep attracting new friends that prove to be untrustworthy? Everything seems great, and then one day they open up to me and start gossiping about all of their friends, and most of what they are saying isn’t very nice.  I don’t know how to continue being friends with someone who does that because I worry what they may be saying about me so I end up pulling away.

Signed,
Confused in New Hampshire

Dear Confused,

Thanks for your question. It’s one I’m sure lots of people can relate to.

It’s always good to pay attention to the repetitive challenges the Universe sends us. These friends of yours who come into your life and gossip about others are giving you a great opportunity to set some boundaries.

While pulling away is one way to set boundaries, if it’s a friendship you’d like to keep, develop, and grow, then I’d encourage you to consider a conversation with that person about your discomfort with gossip.

Imagine saying something like this, “Jane, in honor of our friendship, I want to be honest with you. When we’re together and you begin talking about someone who’s not with us, it makes me uncomfortable. I’d much rather have our time together be spent on sharing, laughing, and celebrating one another. So I’m asking you to refrain from gossiping when we’re hanging out so we both can be more present for each other.”

How would it feel to have that kind of conversation (tweaked to sound like your own voice)? Chances are, you’ll have to remind your friend of this new boundary a couple times before she gets it. If, after reminders, she is still not honoring your needs and that’s that may be when it’s time to think about ending the friendship.

When you think about the friendships you’ve pulled away from, are there ones you miss and you could consider having a chat like the one above with them?

Setting boundaries is so incredibly important to our quality of life. When we do it, we create energetic space for even more wonderful people to come into our lives. Don’t let gossiping friends occupy the space of mutual, loving, fun, authentic friendships. Give them the chance to be that type of person and see if the relationship evolves.

Sending love,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

How do I learn to like myself better?

Signed,
Melancholy in Munich

Dear Melancholy,

This is a simply stated, yet powerful question. Thank you for your courage in sending it to me.

The short answer? By loving yourself where you’re at.

In my work with clients, and personally, I’ve found that the most powerful shifts can be made in our lives when we let go of the resistance to where we are currently. By loving ourselves where we are, we become more gentle with our spirits, more patient with our growth, and more compassionate to all around us. It’s in this place that I’ve seen and experienced some pretty amazing changes occur.

I remember working with a therapist years ago on uncovering some of the reasons behind my eating and weight gain. One day, she said to me, “To begin to get your health and body back in the shape it once was, you need to love your body as it is now.” At the time, I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard! Why would I make any changes to my lifestyle if I loved myself the way I was? What’s the motivation? It took a year of her gently and subtly dropping that message during our sessions before I finally got it. And it was when I practiced loving myself not at my ideal weight that my eating improved and the pounds started coming off. What I discovered was by living in a place of self nonacceptance, I was hanging onto the weight like a shield — protecting myself not only from the potential of others’ judgment, but more significantly, of my own judgment.

Since that time, I’ve seen how this approach can relate to all aspects of our lives. What is it about yourself and your life that you are dissatisfied with? What changes do you wish you could make, but aren’t? Take a look at those areas and check in to see how self critical you are in regards to where you’re at. The negative voice inside our heads and the painful words it spews shoot right to the heart of the young child in us all. When you say and think hurtful or hateful things, picture yourself as a young child. Would you really speak to her that way? To pass along some advice I read years ago, pull a photograph out of yourself as a young girl and put it someplace where you’ll see it often. When you start the self defeating talk, look deep into her eyes and show her the love and compassion that you would any other child.

You have the opportunity to be an attentive and caring mother to her, and it is in that place when you’ll begin to feel the fulfillment of loving yourself right where you’re at. And you deserve all the support you desire. If you feel a therapist or a coach (depending on the source of the current struggle) would be of help, give yourself that gift.

Sending love,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

My older sister and I are in our 50s and lived together until five years ago when I fell in love and moved in with a man. She had difficulty accepting this, and our relationship steadily deteriorated. Initially, discussing the problem helped, and she was OK for a day; then would revert to silence.

I’ve told her I want both of them in my life, but she tells me I’m dead to her, refuses to speak to me and acts like she doesn’t know me (in public). This hurts, but I realize I need to let the pain go for my benefit. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Estranged in Edmonton

Dear Estranged,

I’m so sorry to hear your relationship with your sister is going through such a difficult time right now. While every challenge is a learning experience, it doesn’t make the lesson any less painful.

It’s difficult to offer specific advice without knowing the full story of how the distance came about, however, I can suggest some things to consider in an effort to take good care of yourself.

If you feel unclear on the complete reasons your sister is not speaking to you, and you’d like to mend the relationship, consider writing her a note expressing your desire to get together and talk. If you do meet, instead of preparing for any kind of “battle”, have your intention for the conversation be more about sharing your feelings and being open to hearing hers. The point is not to declare a winner, otherwise you both lose.

If, on the other hand, you wish to honor her need for space and/or you feel like you need some space and time away as well, you could communicate that to her and invite her to get in touch with you when she feels ready to talk.

In the meantime, I’d encourage you to make peace with whatever option you choose and feels right at this time by being with the emotions as they come up. Journal, meditate, dialogue with your sister in writing (with no intention of sending it to her — simply for you to work through your feelings). As you do, try to get yourself into a compassionate listening place — for yourself and for your sister.

What could be the deeper story behind her pain and silence? Your finding a partner and moving in with him is merely a symptom of her pain. Invite her to explore and share the source if and when she’d be willing and if and when you’d be interested in listening.

Our relationship with our family is so important and so significant, yet can sometimes be quite challenging. So, I’d first encourage you to determine what you’d like your relationship to look like with your sister, and take it from there considering the above approaches.

All the best to you,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

I have reached a point in my life/career were I want to do something else. In the past when this has happened, I’ve always known what my next step would be. What’s challenging for me this time is that I don’t. I am exhausted of the toxic environment I am in and wish to be free from it. How to do I start figuring out what my next step is?

Signed,
Miffed in Miami

Dear Miffed,

What an exciting time to be on the verge of change! While you’re unsure of your next step, what you are clear on, it seems, is that you want out of your current environment.

When a desire to escape a situation is a main motivator to initiating change, we need to be careful about possibly jumping from the frying pan into the fire. To help yourself get clear on what it is you’d like to do next, I’d first encourage you to find ways to emotionally detach from the drama and toxicity of your current work environment. How can you take care of yourself, energetically, so you are not depleting your spirit’s resources by “tolerating” or “surviving” at work? How can you leave work at work? By not exploring these avenues, it’s likely you’ll find yourself in a similar, if not worse, environment next.

Consider this: When you feel aggravated or your buttons get pushed by something at work, vent in a notebook, take a walk, or close your door and do 60 seconds of deep breathing. These exercises can help bring you back to center and re-ground your energy, putting you more in a position of power in regards to your life and situation. And the bonus? Once you detach yourself from the toxicity as much as you can, you’ll be much more likely to identify your next steps, and have it be from a place of power instead of desperation.

By feeling tangled up in an unhealthy environment, you don’t have the space available to pursue or welcome in new directions or opportunities, so it’s no wonder you don’t feel clear on your next move. Focus your actions on creating that space to effect change. Start by taking care of yourself where you are in order to discover where you want to go.

Cheers,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

About a year ago, I left a regular corporate job and went into business for myself. I work out of my home as the only member of my company. Things are going really well, however, I find myself second guessing my decision. Financially, business is very successful, and I love the flexibility in my schedule and the independence. Sometimes, though, I find my motivation and energy level dipping. Now that the somewhat frantic pace of getting the business established has mostly wound down, I’m often slow to get going and procrastinating a bit; even occasionally missing my old job, which to my logical mind, seems nuts since I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Do all new entrepreneurs go through this dip and what can I do about it?

Signed,
Perplexed in Poughkeepsie, NY

Dear Perplexed,

Congratulations on making the successful transition to entrepreneurship! That is quite a feat, and you should be proud!

It sounds like now that things have settled a bit, the quieter energy is allowing you to be with yourself more and with the busyness less. Depending on your personality, that can be a blessing or a curse.

When you’re feeling low energy, do you like to refuel with quiet alone time or by being around people? Some really need solitude to rejuvenate and feel “clicked in” again. Others, and this happens a lot with solopreneurs like yourself, the isolation that can come with running your own business out of your home can be a bit daunting.

My guess is that it’s not your old job you are missing, but the social connection of having co-workers. Give this a shot: Over the next week, choose two days when you can spend a couple of hours working from a local coffee shop or your public library. Try to stay at least two hours there, and while you’re there, as well as after you’re home, take a few moments to check in to see how you feel. I bet your mood will be lifted and you’ll feel much more motivated. Sometimes we just need to be in the energy of others without needing to engage in chit chat or conversation.

If you find that this “dip” that you’re feeling persists and begins to interfere with your daily get-up-and-go, you might consider seeking the support of a good therapist. You can ask for referrals from your primary care physician (if you really connect well with him or her), friends, family, or your insurance company. Giving yourself this gift of a full hour where you get to talk things through with an objective professional is invaluable. Take some time to write down your ideal qualities in a therapist, and be sure to interview a few to find a good match.

Best of luck to you in your business and in your ongoing self care!

Cheers,
Kerri
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To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email



This is the column where, each week, I’ll be answering one website visitor’s question in hopes of supporting all visitors through shared (and likely, relevant) challenges, triumphs, and struggles.

Dear Kerri,

I have been working for what feels like forever on my personal growth and emotional healing. I’ve read libraries worth of books, attended more seminars than I can even recall, and have been working with a therapist for years. While I feel like I’ve certainly made progress, I am nowhere near where I want to be. I keep thinking the next book or seminar will hold the answer. How can I either get out of my own way to let the healing come or what piece am I missing that will help me “see the light”?

Signed,
Swirling in Seattle

Dear Swirling,

Oh if only there was a magic solution somewhere out there! Based on what you shared in your question, it sounds as if the missing piece just might be you.

It’s easy to get caught up in reading lots of self-help books and attending endless seminars seeking the answer. When we spend so much time looking outside of ourselves for understanding, compassion, and guidance, we can certainly find it, however, it’ll be very temporary. The key is what you do to incorporate into your life all you’ve learned in the books and at the seminars. Permanent change always comes from within.

Yup, I know. Probably not the answer you wanted to hear. Most people don’t like that answer because it means committed and consistent work on their parts. There is no quick fix. However, there are easy and manageable ways to get going.

To start, I encourage you to purge any books that no longer serve you. Chances are they are simply acting as reminders of perceived “failure” or a waste of money.  Do a quick sort into two piles – keep and donate. It’s ok if the first go around you have a small donate pile. Just go through the keep pile again and get rid of any book that you aren’t excited about and feel good about keeping.

Now that you have this physical (and mental) space cleared, do some free writing in your journal about what aspects of your life you long to improve. Ask yourself, “If my ________________ (fill in with the part of your life you’ve identified) was just as I dream it to be, what would that look like?”

Next, brainstorm some ideas on action you can take to begin to move toward this ideal scenario. If you find it challenging to come up with steps that feel manageable, consider asking some trusted friends or working with a coach.

When you partner with a good and qualified life coach, you get the invaluable benefit of unbiased support from someone who’s only interest is your success. A coach can help you see things in a new way, work with you to identify those action steps, and offer accountability.

Ready for the great news? It’s in taking small, simple baby steps that you’ll quickly feel much more empowered, and you’ll realize that the benefit you anticipate feeling at your end result is actually found in the journey. How cool is that? You get to feel that fulfillment and joy much sooner than you had realized!

My best to you,
Kerri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To have your question considered for Ask the Coach, simply send an email keeping the following guidelines in mind:

• Be specific. Make sure your question is clearly stated to prevent any misinterpretation. That way, you’ll be sure to have your specific need addressed.

• Keep it under 150 words. Any emails longer than the specified limit will be ineligible for selection.

• You only need to send your question once. While only one of the emails sent in a specific week will be answered, I’ll be keeping eligible emails for possible use in future columns. Be sure to keep checking back each week, not only to see if yours was selected, but to also check out the one that was. Chances are each week’s question can pertain to your life in some way!

• Only emails selected for publication will be answered. Due to the volume received, I am only able to answer the weekly selected question.

• By submitting a question, you are authorizing its use on this website.

• Submissions may be edited and/or shortened for content and length purposes.

To read the archive of Ask the Coach, click here. To submit your question, go ahead and send an email